Characters belong to SM and any films, songs, recognizable places, etc. belong to their respective owners.
Chapter 8
Chicago, 2012
Come Monday morning, Alice turns into a drill sergeant, barking out orders to
Jasper and me. We're the only ones in the gallery, prepping for Edward's show,
which opens in approximately eight hours.
"Bella, the bridge painting needs to be moved to that wall over there." Alice
points and I follow her command. Small as she is, Alice can be very scary. Toss
seven months of pregnancy into the mix and, well, the results are one hundred
percent terrifying.
We spend the next two hours hanging pieces and adjusting lighting until
Edward's collection has fully filled the space. I take a lap through the gallery,
surveying our hard work and admiring just how incredible of an artist my former
lover has become.
"Bella?" Alice pulls me out of my trance and motions for me to follow her to the
office, where she closes the door and takes a seat behind her desk. "Are you
sure you're okay doing this? I can still call Irina and have her come in."
I shake my head as I drop into the chair across from my boss and good friend.
"That's not necessary, Ali. I'm looking forward to this evening."
"You don't have to put on a whole sunshine-and-rainbows act for me, Bella. I
would be more than understanding if you want to bail."
"It's not an act. I swear. I'm looking forward to seeing someone I know garner
success." Edward isn't my favorite person in the world, but I'd never wish failure
on him. His letters had shined light on a few things, and though I was still mad
that he threw everything we had down the drain for his addiction, I was also
proud of the changes he'd made and how far he'd come.
"Okay, well, if you change your mind, you let me know and I'll get Irina in here.
Now, the caterers will be here at four, people should start arriving by five …" I
listen intently and jot down the information. Once Alice has given me all the
pertinent details for the night, I bid her and Jasper farewell, and set off in the
direction of my apartment.
I do a mental inventory of my closet as I walk, and decide to make a quick stop
at Macy's. I want to look good for tonight. It's my first solo showing, the first
time Alice and Jasper have entrusted me with the keys to their kingdom. I want
to make a good impression, so I scan through the racks until I find the perfect
dress. It's black, one shouldered and form-fitting, falling just above my knees. I
grab a pair of sparkly black heels to go with it. The ensemble is just the right
mix of professional and elegant, and I know it will catch Edward's eye, too.
I shake my head as the silly thought crosses my mind. Catching Edward's eye
shouldn't even be on my list of reasons to buy anything. Reading his letters
gave me some insight into his life, and helped me understand his addiction a bit
more, but it didn't change the way things went down between us. The simple
act of putting pen to paper isn't enough to erase every wrongdoing or mend the
scars.
I spend the early part of the afternoon cleaning my place, rearranging the
furniture, and figuring out exactly which shade of lipstick I'm going to wear. By
three, I'm dolled up and ready. The caterers arrive right at four, just like Alice
said, and Edward arrives shortly after. He looks stunning in a pair of dark grey
slacks and an off-white sweater. His hair is styled into a tousled look and his
beard is trimmed down. I look at him—really look at him—for the first time since
seeing him again. He's filled out so much, really grown into his 6'3" frame. His
broad shoulders and hard chest are all man, but the twinkle in his eye and the
smirk on his lips are reminiscent of the boy I used to know.
He says nothing at first, simply walks through the gallery, taking everything in.
His expression morphs from bewilderment to pride to full-on happiness, and
even though we'll always have this broken history between us, I can't help but
feel so very proud of how far he's come and all that he's accomplished.
"This is amazing," he says when he finally finds me in the office.
I smile and wring my hands together. "I'm glad it meets your expectations."
He laughs. "As soon as I discovered you'd be involved with the show, I knew it
would meet my expectations."
A blush creeps up my cheeks and I bite the inside my lip to keep from smiling.
"How many showings have you done up to this?"
"None. This is my first one."
I frown. "Your first one? I thought you were just saying that the other day." His
expression falls and he looks away, eyes roaming over the walls of Alice's office.
I immediately feel bad for even bringing the topic up. "You know, forget I even
asked." I look at my watch, taking note of the time. "It's almost time. Let's go
show the art world what you're made of, yeah?"
He shoves his hands in his pockets and grins again. "Let's go."
The showing goes off without a hitch. A steady stream of people come and go
from the gallery, some more prominent in the art world than others. I introduce
Edward to the ones I know, including an art critic for the Chicago Tribune. He's
the perfect gentleman, talking about his art, answering their questions, and
exuding an air of confidence I've never seen from him before. By the time the
night comes to a close, I'm exhausted but filled with a rush of happiness.
"That was … perfect. Just perfect." Edward beams. The caterers are finishing
cleaning and I'm compiling a list of the buyers for Edward's work.
"You did wonderful," I tell him. "People loved you as much as they loved the art.
That's a good thing in this world, believe me."
"You think so?"
"I know it." I leave all of the buyer information on Alice's desk and grab my
purse. Once I've made sure the caterers are gone and the gallery looks as it did
before the showing started, Edward and I head out into the night.
"Can I walk you home?" Edward asks. I bite my lip and look down the street.
It's late, and though I'm used to making the five-block trip on my own, I can't
say I'll mind the company.
This is what I'm telling myself when I agree a minute later. "Sure."
We set off in the direction of my house and a comfortable silence blankets us.
We're about a block away when he finally speaks again. "Its nice to see we still
make a good team after all these years."
I chuckle. "That we do—when you show up, at least."
He hangs his head and slips his hands in his pockets. "I deserve that."
"Yeah, you kind of do." We walk the rest of the way in silence. When we arrive
at my building I stop and turn to face him. "Edw—
"Did you read any of my letters?" The words fall from his lips quickly. I take my
keys out of my purse and spin them around my index finger.
"Yes."
"Did they mean anything? Be honest, Bella, because if they didn't, I want to
know. I need to know."
I try to think of something spectacular to say, but my mind comes up blank. "Of
course they did."
He looks up at me and I catch the spark of hope that flashes behind his eyes.
"Can we get coffee tomorrow? I know I've asked already, and I know you've
said no, but the letters … they're just the tip of the iceberg, Bella. I have so
much more I want to say, so many things I want to tell you."
I look down at my keys and every reason I should say no flashes behind my
eyes. I've seen his song and dance before. I know how this could go. But then I
remind myself that this Edward is different. He's been through hell and back on
his own, and if his letters are any indication, he seems to have come out on top.
"I'll meet you for coffee," I finally say.
"That's great, Bella. Thank you. Thank you so much." We iron out the details
and say goodnight.
I try not to notice the little flip my heart does as I watch him start to walk away.
Characters belong to SM and any films, songs, recognizable places, etc. belong to their respective owners.
Epilogue
Chicago, February 2015
"Watch your step!" Edward grabs my elbow and stops me from completely face
planting.
"My god, how many flights of stairs are you taking me up?!"
He chuckles behind me. "One more and we'll be there."
"Do I dare ask what you've got up your sleeve?"
"You'll see soon enough." Edward lets go of my elbow. "Please don't move. The
last thing we need is a trip to the hospital added into our festivities."
I laugh and lean against the wall while he does whatever he needs to do.
Moments later, I'm guided forward and the blindfold on my head is finally lifted.
"Surprise!"
I open my eyes and gasp, covering my mouth with my hands. We're in a loft— a
much, much bigger loft than the one we once shared in Minneapolis. There are
floor to ceiling windows again, only this time they look out over Michigan
Avenue and the lake.
"Holy shit, Edward. This view is incredible!"
"I had a feeling you'd love it." He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me
against him, until my back is flush with his front. "Navy Pier is over there," he
points in one direction, "Lincoln Park is up that way, and your favorite beach is
somewhere out there on the other side of that building."
"Show me the rest?" He takes me around, showing off hardwood floors, two
fireplaces, granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances. The bedroom has
a balcony attached to it, and I can already see us sitting out there on Saturday
mornings, coffee in hand as he paints and I read a book. It's our own slice of
heaven amidst the otherwise bustling city, and I love it.
"There's even a fireplace," Edward is as giddy as a kid on Christmas morning
when he shows me this part of the living room.
"Is this ours? You're not teasing me or anything, are you?"
He shakes his head and strides to the kitchen, where he pulls a bouquet of red
roses and a small gift bag from one of the cupboards. "Happy Valentine's Day,
baby." I peek inside the bag and gasp. A Tiffany & Co. box sits comfortably
inside, with a set of house keys tied to the ribbon. I pull the box out and take
the keys off carefully, slipping them into the pocket of my jeans. I open the box
next and my heart starts to race. There, nestled inside a blanket of velvet, is a
gorgeous ring. The entire band consists of tiny X's and O's, with the top four O's
filled in with a diamond. I pull the ring from the cushion and hold it up to the
light.
"Edward, this is beautiful. But it's too much," I say.
He closes the gap between us, taking the ring from my hand and sliding it onto
the fourth finger of my right hand. "Nothing is too much for you, Bella." He
presses lips to the ring on my finger, and I shiver from the feel of his touch.
"I love the diamonds."
"Well, I figure since we aren't quite ready for a big diamond, four small ones
should hold you over until the time is right." I giggle at his confession, sliding
my hands up his chest and over his shoulders. I pull him into a tight embrace,
burying my face in the side of his neck.
"What did I do to deserve you?"
He pulls away and gazes down at me. "I ask myself that question every single
day."
We've come so far in the last year, but we still have so much ahead of us.
A life full of love, laughter, and memories.
A blank canvas with which we can create our own brilliant slice of art.
And four tiny diamonds to guide us along our way…
Until we're ready for a bigger one.
Characters belong to SM and any films, songs, recognizable places, etc. belong to their respective owners.
Chapter 12
Chicago, November 2013
"Blue or black?" I hold the two dresses up and Alice looks back and forth
between them.
"Blue," she finally says, grabbing the black dress and tossing it up on the bed
behind her.
"Black or silver?" I hold up two pairs of heels this time. Alice points to the silver
strappy ones and I chuck the other pair in the direction of my closet.
"Rose gold or—"
Alice holds up a hand. "Use your Michael Kors clutch. It goes really well with this
dress. Wear your lacy, cropped cardigan, because you never know what the
temperature at the restaurant will be like, and make sure you ditch the bra. You
won't need it because the way the dress is cut will help with that."
I fling my arms around my favorite pixie and pull her tight against me. "Thank
you, Ali. You're like a Jedi master when it comes to this kind of stuff."
She waves my compliment off and stands. "I just have a slightly unhealthy
obsession with dressing everyone else. Now, put those clothes on and get
ready, because we're going to beautify you."
Alice spends the next hour making sure my makeup and hair are perfect. I feel
runway ready by the time she's done, which is precisely why I invited her over
to help me prepare for my date with Edward.
Well, that's not the only reason. Rose, being her loving, protective, pregnant-
and-sassy self, can't quite see why we're going out in the first place. "If it ain't
broke, don't fix it." Those were her exact words the night before when the topic
came up. I tried telling her that it's just one date, very simple, no pressure, but
she didn't believe me.
So, when it came time to choose a friend to help me get ready, Alice was the
winner. I expect Rose will call later tonight, seeking details even though she
won't directly ask for them.
What I don't expect is that she'd show up at my door ten minutes before
Edward is supposed to be here.
"What are you doing here?"
"You could try not to look so shocked, you know." Rose brushes past me and
shrugs her coat off, dumping it on a kitchen chair. She spins around and takes
in my appearance. "Alice did a nice job."
"Of course I did," Alice says from the end of the hall. "Did you expect anything
less than extraordinary?"
I watch the exchange with amusement. "Seriously, Ro, to what do I owe this
unexpected visit?"
"I wanted to give you these." Rose pulls a pair of hot pink socks out of her bag
and hands them to me. I turn the socks over, noticing they have bananas
embroidered all over them.
"Um, well, these are … what the hell are these?"
"My lucky socks," she explains, folding her arms over her chest. "I had these on
the night I met Emmett. Wore them for every date after and look at how
amazing our relationship has been!"
I scrunch my nose up and hold the socks out a safe distance from myself. Rose
rolls her eyes and slaps my hand. "They're clean, asshat. It's not like I don't do
my damn laundry."
"Why are you giving me these?" I ask. "You don't even want me to go on the
date."
Rose heads to my living room and perches herself on the edge of the loveseat.
"I'm not a complete asshole. When push comes to shove, I just want to see you
happy. And if I'm being honest, it's been a long time since I've seen your face
light up the way it has these past few months."
I want to say something, but Rose continues. "We all make mistakes, some
bigger than others. Edward, well … he made lots of mistakes. And he spent the
last ten years paying for them. So, if you can forgive him, accept him for who
he is, flaws and all, well, then I can do that, too."
My eyes well up with tears and Alice immediately goes into makeup rescue
mode. She busies herself with fixing my eyeliner while Rose reaches out and
grabs my hand. "I don't do sappy, so I'm going to make this short and sweet: if
the man breaks your heart again, I'll bust his balls into a thousand pieces and
feed them to him for breakfast."
I laugh and push Alice away so I can give Rose a proper hug. "I love you, Ro."
"I love you, too, Bell." A knock on the door interrupts our moment and sends
my heart into my throat. My friends spring into action, getting my cardigan,
checking to make sure I have my keys, and loading my clutch with a compact, a
tube of lipstick, and the lucky fruit socks. I kiss them both on the cheek, take a
deep, cleansing breath, and pull the door open.
Edward stands before me, looking sinful in a pair of dark wash jeans and a
forest green dress shirt. He has a black wool coat on and his hair is styled in
such a way that he looks like a modern James Dean. My eyes rake over him at
the same time his do me, and we both blurt out a greeting.
"You look beautiful."
"That's quite the ensemble there, James." He furrows his brows, but only for a
minute, because we both start laughing.
"Let's try this again." Edward reaches his hand out and takes mine, lifting it to
his lips and placing a gentle kiss on the top of my fingers. "You look absolutely
stunning, Bella."
The head rush is immediate. My palms sweat, my knees start to shake, and for
a tiny second I feel like I'm going to pass out. It's just Edward, I remind myself.
The thought provides no consolation, however. I'm not sure how he feels, but
this night is important to me. Yes, it may just be a date, but it's with the man
I've loved for over ten years. Not everyone gets a second chance at something
like this, and the significance of that alone is enough to make me want to hurl
my guts up onto the floor.
"You look like James Dean," I blurt out. Edward tips his head back and laughs.
"Still as graceful as ever with your words." He holds his hand out and I look up
into his eyes. I'm not sure what I expect to see, but what I find are two blazing
green pools filled with excitement, apprehension, and hope.
I slip my hand into his and give a gentle squeeze. "Bye girls," Edward calls over
my shoulder.
"Seriously?" I scoff. "How did you know they were here?"
Edward tugs me forward, down the stairs and to his waiting car. "I might be a
bit rusty at this, but I'm not totally clueless. I've had a few things figured out for
years." He winks and opens the door for me, closing it tight after I'm seated.
"What kind of things?" I ask, teasingly.
"The dating rituals of you and Rose."
I think about the pair of hot pink banana socks currently sitting in my clutch and
giggle. "You might think you have them figured out, but trust me, you have no
idea."
Edward side eyes me as he puts the car in gear. "Do I even want to know?"
"Probably not."
We head north on Lake Shore Drive until we reach Lincoln Park. Edward
navigates the streets easily, and I can tell he's familiar with wherever it is that
we're headed. We come to a stop in front of a strip of eclectic looking stores
with a row of walk up apartments above them. There's a coffee shop, a vintage
record store, and an empty space with a "For Lease" sign in the window. Edward
gets out and opens my door once more, helping me onto the curb.
"Am I overdressed?" I suddenly feel out of place. I'm not sure why, but I had
expected our destination to be a bit more on the classy side.
"Not at all." He tugs a set of keys out of his pocket and leads me toward the
empty shop.
"Where are we?" I ask, following him inside. He flips a light on and I'm greeted
by a large, open space.
Edward watches me carefully as he answers. "My gallery."
"Your gallery?" I can practically feel my jaw drop. I spin around as best I can in
my heels, already imagining what the walls with look like when they're
decorated with pieces of art. "You're opening a gallery? I had no idea you were
interested in this kind of thing."
"Well, it's actually a gallery for my work." Edward's cheeks and ears flush
crimson. "Please don't take that to be as narcissistic as it sounds. My agent
suggested I make the investment. The place was available for a decent price,
and it'll be a good way to ensure exposure for my work."
"Wow, I'm … Edward, this is incredible." I walk around the room, running my
fingers over the freshly painted off-white walls. I can see the place even more
clearly now, knowing it's his art that will hang here. The post-apocalyptic spoon
and cherry will go well by the door. His watercolor of The Bean, which was since
been made into a limited set of prints, would look great along the back wall. I
put my mind to work, placing each of his paintings somewhere in the space. I
get so absorbed that I almost forget we're here on a date.
"This isn't all." The feel of Edward's hand on the small of my back ignites an
electric current that hums just beneath my skin. He guides me toward the back
corner and into the office.
A small, wrought iron table sits in the middle of the room. There are place
settings for two and a vase that overflows with pink roses sitting atop the table.
Edward deposits a paper bag, which I never noticed him carrying, next to the
table and looks at me shyly.
"I know we're starting over," he says, "but thirteen years ago we had the most
perfect first date at a teeny tiny art gallery in Minneapolis. I would never go
back to that time, because it would mean having to hurt you all over again, but
I wanted to bring a little bit of that night here for us."
I place my hand on his chest and smile up at him. "I love this. It's amazing.
Thank you for sharing this with me."
"I can't think of anyone I'd rather share this with." He takes the bag he was
carrying and tugs a variety of food from it. We sit down and dish up, digging
into some amazing looking salads. The conversation ebbs and flows naturally
and we talk about everything. When we've finished eating, Edward places a
wrapped gift on the table and pushes it towards me.
"What's this?" I ask, grabbing it.
"Open it," he says. I tug off the ribbon and shed the paper to find a glass jar
filled with scraps of paper and what look like Hershey Kisses. I spin the object
around in my hands until I see the cardstock adhered to the front of it.
"Why I fell in love with you," I read aloud, my tears choking up the final few
words. I unhook the jar lid and flip it back. Reaching inside, grab the first sheet
of paper I can. I unfold it and read the message jotted in Edward's familiar
scrawl. "The way your eyes start to dance any time you talk about something
you love."
"That was one of the first things I noticed about you when we start dating,"
Edward's voice sounds far off, thanks to the loud thump-thump-thump of my
heart. I reach in the jar again, pulling out another message.
"Your compassion."
Edward smiles and looks down at his hands. "You have one of the biggest hearts
of anyone I know. And you're always willing to open it. Seriously, Bella, I hope
you realize how much of an inspiration you are."
I do nothing to stop the tears from trickling down my cheek. My hand shakes as
I reach in the jar one more time, pulling out a sheet with one single word on it.
"Forgiveness."
"It takes a special person to forgive those who have done them wrong. I
probably don't deserve as much understanding as you've shown me, and I
especially don't deserve to be sitting here with you right now, but your ability to
forgive is why I am." He reaches across the table and takes both of my hands in
his. "I want you to read all of these when I drop you off. I want you to know the
ins and outs of the love I feel for you. And I want you to know that even after
you left, I never stopped loving you."
Edward stands and pulls me to my feet. He cradles my face between his hands
and springtime eyes meet cherry cola ones. I feel like I've been stripped bare,
like he can see beneath every layer and into my soul.
"I really want to kiss you right now," he whispers. My breath catches in my
throat and time seems to stand still. "Can I kiss you Bella? Please?"
I barely have a chance to nod and his lips are on mine, warm and soft,
demanding yet gentle. His mouth moves against mine and his tongue slides
along my lips, seeking access to parts of me I've kept locked away for a decade.
I grab his hair and melt into him, feeling a rush of exhilaration mixed with the
familiarity of coming home. I breathe him in and exhale out the past. And bit-
by-bit, piece-by-piece, the last few bricks of the wall I'd erected so many years
ago fall away, and all that's left is my heart. It's been bruised before, even
broken, but I know it's in good hands this time around.
.
.
.
Hours later we arrive back at my apartment. Edward holds my hand the whole way up the stairs, refusing to let go until we're standing face-to-face, nose-to-nose in front of my door.
"Tonight was amazing, Bella. I can't thank you enough for letting me see you."
"You don't need to thank me, Cullen. I had a wonderful time, too." I stand on
my toes and kiss him chastely on the cheek. He pulls me to him, wrapping his
arms around my waist and resting his chin against the top of my head.
"Can I see you again?"
I pull back and look up at him, fully aware that there's a 100-watt smile dancing
on my face.
"Absolutely."
Characters belong to SM and any films, songs, recognizable places, etc. belong to their respective owners.
Chapter 11
Chicago, January 2013
"How do I even get on this thing?"
"It's not difficult at all. You just stand, and when you feel the seat hit the back
of your legs, sit."
I watch the skiers in front of us get on the lift effortlessly. The longer I spend
staring at the contraption, the tighter my chest feels.
"I can't do this. What if I fall off it?"
Edward adjusts the strap on his ski goggles and tips his head back, laughing.
"You aren't going to fall off the lift. Trust me. Look." He points his ski pole at a
set of chairs halfway up the hill. "That kid can't be more than three and she got
on, and hasn't fallen off yet."
Rose and Emmett ski up next to us, coming to a stop and spraying snow all over
both Edward and me. "Please tell me you aren't afraid of the ski lift, Bella?"
I roll my eyes and scrunch my nose up in disgust. "Excuse me for not having
parents who had me out on the slopes every weekend."
"It wasn't every weekend. Just a couple times a year. And I'm pretty sure you
went with me on more than one occasion." Rose pushes her own goggles up on
her forehead and gives me a sassy stare.
"I did go with you. And I spent the whole day on the bunny hill with Kate. And
the bunny hill had a rope pull, which didn't take me 50 feet into the air."
"Ladies, c'mon. Edward and I would like to get at least a few more runs in
before the snow melts." Emmett's eyes dance mischievously. I glance helplessly
between the three of them. I can't be the only one who won't go up the hill. I'd
never live that down. So, I ski up next to Edward and use my pole to point to
the lift.
"Let's go, Cullen," I mutter. His smile touches his eyes and we take off in a
single file line, with Emmett leading and me lagging in the back. I watch others
get on the lift, and when it comes time for Edward and me to board, I do exactly
as he instructed earlier. I grip the side of the seat with one hand while holding
both of my poles in the other. Edward talks the whole way up about frivolous
topics like the weather and what's new on Netflix, which eases my nerves.
Shortly before we reach the top, he walks me through how to get off and I
manage to do so without breaking anything or falling on my ass.
My trip down the hill is not nearly as graceful; however, and after two falls and
a runaway ski, I decide to hole up in the chalet for the rest of the afternoon. I'm
wrapped up a romance book that's almost as steamy as my hot chocolate when
Edward flops into the seat across from me.
"So, Rosalie doesn't hate me anymore," he comments as he pulls off his gloves
and tosses his goggles on the table.
"Is that so?"
He slides my glass of cocoa across the table and takes a sip. I slap his fingers
away from the cardboard and take the mug back, putting it safely outside of his
reach. "It is."
"And how do you know this?" I play along, even though I already know that
Rose has started to come around. As Edward and I worked on rebuilding our
friendship, I kept Rose in the loop. About a month and a half into things, I
started planning activities for the four of us to do together. Rose was plenty
cheeky at first, but as time went on, she started to warm up to Edward. The
difference in him was crystal clear, and the fact that he and I were only
friends—with no plans on becoming more—eased some of her apprehension.
"She invited me to her and Emmett's Super Bowl party." Edward puffs his chest
out and laughs.
"You know that means you have to bring something to share, right?"
"Like a food dish?"
"No, like a package of toilet paper. Of course I'm talking about a food dish,
doofus!" I reach across the table and swat Edward on the side of the head. He
catches my wrist in his hand and what follows is an awkward wrestling match,
which I very gracefully lose.
"You're all in luck then, because I make some of the meanest jerk chicken on
this planet."
I arch a brow and cock my head to the side. "Is that so? Because if I recall
correctly, there was once a time when you could have burned water if you even
tried to cook."
Edward rolls his eyes. "That was before I became a bachelor who was forced to
fend for himself."
"Well, this should be an interesting Super Bowl spread, to say the least."
"Ha ha ha, laugh it up all you want. In three weeks you're going to be eating
your words—right after you eat every bit of my food you stack on your plate."
"Care to wager something on that?"
He taps his chin thoughtfully and then his eyes light up. "Dunkin Donuts
breakfast for a week."
I reach across the table and shake his hand. "You've got yourself a deal."
As it turns out, Edward was right. His jerk chicken was the most amazing thing
at the party. So amazing that I ate six skewers of it.
And then spent the next seven days getting on a first name basis with the staff
at my corner Dunkin.
.
.
.
Chicago, May 2013
"So, I got Safe Haven, Dark Shadows, Beautiful Creatures, and Texas Chainsaw
Massacre." Edward spreads the DVD cases out on Alice's coffee table next to the
bag of Chinese takeout he was kind enough to bring over. It's my first time
babysitting Maggie and as soon as she starts crying, I start freaking the fuck
out. Alice and Jasper are out on a double date with Rose and Emmett, so it's
Edward's number I dial when I need reinforcement.
"Better go with Safe Haven." My response is met with an eye roll of epic
proportions. "There's a five-month-old baby in the next room over, Cullen. We
can't exactly watch a horror flick."
"You always had a weak stomach," he remarks. I get the Chinese plated while
he busies himself with the DVD player.
"This might be the best chow mein I've ever eaten." A few pieces of rice fall
from my full mouth and I plop them back onto the plate. Edward doesn't even
notice. Reason number 2343264343 being just friends is so much better than
being someone's girlfriend: you can act like one the guys and not get looked
down on for it.
"This was pretty much the only place I ate at for the first three months I lived
here. I had no cooking skills back then and I was lazy. And it doesn't hurt that
the food is so god damn delicious."
It only takes a half hour for me to remember why I gave up on Nicholas Sparks'
books a few years back. Once you've read one you've read them all, and it
appears the movies are no different. I agree to let Edward switch to Dark Shadows after he informs me that it's much more comedy than it is horror. Plus,
Johnny Depp is in it and, well, that fact never hurt anyone.
We're fifteen minutes into the new movie when Maggie starts screaming. I
collect her from her crib and rock her in my arms, but her screams only
intensify. I try rubbing her back, but that doesn't calm her either. I'm about to
start crying myself when Edward appears at my side.
"Here, let me take her." He lifts her into his arms and cradles her, pinching her
nose gently and ooohing and aaahing. Maggie quiets down immediately.
"Okay, when did you become the baby whisperer?"
Edward leads us back to the kitchen, where he grabs a bottle of milk from the
fridge and runs water to warm it. "I watch too much TLC," he jokes. "I took care
of Eric's kids a few times before I moved out here. Of course they weren't quite
as easy to quiet down as this pretty little lady here is."
I watch in silence as Edward gets the bottle ready and feeds Maggie. He looks
so relaxed and in his element, and the whole scene is like a shock to my
system. I decided eons ago that I wasn't going to have children. They just didn't
fit into the lifestyle I saw for myself. I still don't think I want them, but seeing
Edward with a baby is like a drop-kick straight to the uterus. Both ovaries are
encouraging me to throw myself at him and beg him to impregnate me.
The sudden attraction I feel is unnerving. I'm not immune to Edward's good
looks by any means, but up until tonight, everything between us has always felt
platonic. Things between us still are platonic, as they should be, but the longer I
stare at him, the less innocent my thoughts get.
Then Maggie spits up all over the front of Edward's shirt, which causes him to
spit up all over the kitchen floor.
And that's all it takes for my traitorous reproductive organs to stand down and
the platonic walls to slip firmly back into place.
.
.
.
Chicago, August 2013
"You turned down a date with a fireman?" The way Rose says it, you'd think I
committed a cardinal sin.
"Who turned down a date with a fireman?" Edward struts into the kitchen
carrying a plate full of freshly grilled burgers and brats.
"Bella did," Alice explains.
"For fucks sakes, woman, what's wrong with you?" Rose is waving a spatula in
the air now.
"Language, please!" Alice hisses, covering Maggie's ears.
"Oh c'mon, Ali, she won't remember that word by the time she starts talking.
Isn't that right, cute stuff?" Rose bends down and pinches Maggie's cheek, but
her eyes stay fixed on me. "Seriously, Bella, a rugged fireman is like every
woman's proverbial wet dream. Just think about it, you could literally climb his
pole. And if he looks like Taylor Kinney …"
Edward leans against the counter, crossing his legs at the ankles and chuckling.
"Can someone please explain the appeal to me? The real ones don't look
anything like the ones on that TV show. Christ, half of the crew at the station by
my apartment is old enough to be my dad. Not to mention the spare tires I see
going on there."
"It's all in the uniform," I tell him with a wink.
"Oh yes, the uniform." Rose sighs dreamily as she finishes arranging a stack of
Hawaiian buns on a tray. "Every woman loves a man in uniform."
We're at Rose and Emmett's new townhouse, celebrating their housewarming
and getting some use out of the backyard while we still can. I've been telling
Rose and Alice about my woes, and how I nuked my profile completely a few
days earlier.
"So why did you turn down the date with the fireman then?" Edward asks me,
eyebrow cocked and smirk in place. My mouth goes dry and I grab a wooden
spoon to stir the potato salad.
"She's giving the dating world a break," Alice answers for me.
At this, Edward's eyebrows shoot up. "Has it been that bad?"
"No," I answer. "It's just, well, I'm tired of going on one or two dates and not
seeing things work out. So, I'm going to focus on me. I'm going to take a
sculpting class and a cooking class, feng shui my apartment, maybe get one of
those garden plots I've seen around town. I'm only 32, so it's not like I need to
be in any hurry to settle down."
"You can't give up that quick," Rose protests. "I must have gone on at least
three dozen bad dates before I stumbled across Emmett. And look at us now?
There's a diamond in the rough somewhere on there for you, but closing your
account and quitting isn't how you're going to find him."
"You closed your account?" Edward asks.
"Yep. I'm guilty as charged."
"Hmm." He pushes himself off of the counter and heads for the door.
"Interesting."
Once he's gone, Alice swoops in, all hushed whispers and excitement. "Bella,
he's obviously interested in you. Please tell me that's why you closed down your
Match stuff?"
"Alice—"
"Oh, no." Rose grabs paper plates and napkins from the cupboard and tosses
them onto the table next to the veggie tray, then plants her hands firmly on her
two-months-pregnant hips. "No, no, no, no, no. You and Edward as friends is
one thing. You and Edward as a couple again is too much, too soon."
"Too much, too soon? Oh, please, Rose." Alice brushes her off with a flick of her
wrist and turns her attention fully to me. "Look Bella, Edward is a great guy.
He's really got his shit together, and look at how well-received all of his work
has been by the local art world. He's a tall glass of water with good manners
and a heart of gold, and he's obviously still got feelings for you. Don't listen to
her, Bel—"
"Stop!" I shout, holding my hands up in the air and shaking my head. "Both of
you just shut up for a minute." I turn to Alice and frown. "Edward and I are
friends. Good friends, who keep each other company, share an inside joke or
two, and support one another through the tough times. Yes, we have a history,
but that doesn't mean I'm planning on jumping back into his arms." I spin
around and fix Rose with a glare. "And you need to learn limits. You're not my
mom and you're not the dictator of my life. I'll date who I want to date and
dammit, if I want to delete my dating profile, I'll do that, too!"
Rose's face turns beet red. "Oh my, God, so you do want to date him?"
"Who wants to date who?" Emmett strolls into the kitchen with the rest of the
burgers.
"Bella wants to date Edward," Rose says, hands flying in the air animatedly.
"Hold up, what?" Edward steps around Emmett and fixes his eyes on me. If
melting into the floor and becoming one with the vinyl was an option, I'd
absolutely take it now.
"I never said that!" I shout, a little louder than necessary. Alice looks at Rose,
who looks at Emmett, who glances over his shoulder at Edward, who hasn't yet
taken his eyes off of me.
"Okay, so, who wants a burger?" Jasper pops out from behind Edward and
heads for the dining room, tripping over Alice's wayward diaper bag. The fall
sends him flying straight into the kitchen table, which promptly tips over. Food
goes everywhere and for a minute, nobody says anything.
Then we all burst into a roaring fit of belly-shaking laughter.
The topic of Edward and I doesn't come up in conversation again that night. But
every time I steal a glance at him, his eyes are glued to me.
.
.
.
Chicago, November 2013
The stairs leading up to the Museum of Contemporary Art are decorated with a
red carpet, which currently holds the crème de la crème of Chicago high society.
There's no back way for me to use to enter, so I grin and bear all the attention,
until I'm safely inside with a glass of bubbly in my hand.
Each year the museum holds a big gala fundraiser, complete with a posh dinner
and silent auction. Everyone who is anyone attends, and since I now work at
one of the more popular galleries in town, it means I'm on the guest list as well.
"This is quite the dog and pony show, isn't it?" I look up into Edward's green
eyes and relief overcomes me. Before I even register what I'm doing my arms
are around his neck and I'm hugging him close to me.
"Thank goodness you're here," I say when we break apart a moment later. He
runs his fingers through his hair and grins.
"Someone is still not a fan of big social functions I see."
I punch his arm lightly and grab another glass of champagne from a passing
waitress. "Not one bit. I need all the liquid courage I can get."
"I raise my seltzer water to you," Edward jokes, holding his glass in the air and
clinking it against my own. He holds his arm out and cocks an eyebrow at me.
"Care to join me in making the rounds? Perhaps if we handle this as a duo it'll
make things slightly less awkward?"
I stare at his arm for a second before slipping mine through it. He leads me
around the space and we stop occasionally, chatting with other artists, gallery
owners, buyers, and people we mutually know. I have one more glass of
champagne and then force myself to stop drinking. I know myself well enough
to know if I don't get food in my system soon, I'll be in dire straits come about
nine o'clock.
Dinner is a big ordeal. Seating is assigned, and fortunately Edward and I are
both at a table with Alice and Jasper, so there's no shortage of entertainment.
"You look stunning tonight, by the way," Edward whispers in my ear. A shiver
runs up my spine and I can't help but smile at the compliment.
"Thank you. You look pretty dapper yourself."
"Dapper, huh? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"
I laugh. "I'm pretty sure that's what the kids were calling it back in 1920."
"Well then, here's to bringing old slang back." He clinks his fork against mine
this time and I don't miss the girly rush that comes with the silly gesture.
Dinner morphs into the silent auction, during which Edward manages to win a
couples' trip for two to Italy. I don't ask who his plus one will be for the
vacation, as much as I want to. He lives his life and I live mine.
But, man, I think I'd want to cut someone if I found out they were on the trip
with him.
Alice and I indulge a little bit too much in the chocolaty dessert spread they
bring around, and then my least favorite part of the evening arrives—the
dancing.
I never quite got the hang of dancing, even when it just meant moving in slow
circles with my arms wrapped around another person. I'm a bona fide klutz, a
trait I inherited from my father and never managed to shed. Events like this
always go the same: one or two men ask me to dance, I accept their offer
because I'm too nice of a person to say no, and after about two minutes of
witnessing my antics, they deposit me back at my table and find someone who
could actually move without looking like a contortionist.
I'm alone at the table, admiring how beautiful Alice and Jasper look on the
dance floor, when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"Care to show me your moves?" I look up and into springtime eyes and a
dazzling smile. Every reason I should say no disappears and I find myself
standing and taking his extended hand.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I whisper as he leads me out to the middle of the
dance floor.
"That's not your real hair?"
"Ha ha, very funny." I tug him to a stop and turn him to face me. "I have no
moves. Honestly, I'm the worst dancer in this place."
"Then it's a good thing my nana taught me how to lead." He takes my hands
and places them on the tops of his shoulders, then settles his own on my waist.
I feel him lift me briefly, like I weigh no more than a feather, and when I look
down I see my black heels resting on top of his dress shoes. The sounds of Miles
Davis' "Bye Bye Blackbird" fills the air and we start to move in slow circles.
"I must admit, I'm impressed," I say, sliding my hands behind his neck and
clasping my fingers together.
"With what?"
"Most men give up on me before the first song is halfway through. You're a
brave soul, Cullen."
He chuckles and tips his head forward, stopping when I feel his breath caress
my ear and neck. "It's a good thing I'm not most men then." When I look up
into his eyes, they're smoldering.
The longer we sway to the music, the less our surroundings matter. Pretty soon
it's just Edward and me, in our own corner of the world, swaying to the beat of
a song that my Grandma Swan likely danced to when she was a young woman.
I take in every detail of the moment; the way Edward's fingers dig ever so
lightly into my hips as he holds me, the look of wonder and adoration on his
face, and the way my body hums to life just from being in such close proximity
to him.
Rose's words from the bar-b-que float their way into my mind, and though I find
myself surprised by the fact that we even got here, I know there's truth behind
them now. I closed my account because I was hoping we'd get to a point where
I could possibly get past what happened and envision a future for Edward and
me. It had nothing to do with my being tired of bad dates.
"Bella?" I look up and find Edward staring intently at me. "Can I take you out?
On a date?"
His words are unexpected, but immediately ignite the small flame in my chest
that was never really extinguished. I close my eyes, expecting to be bombarded
by a slideshow of all the reasons I should say no, but I don't see any of those
things anymore. What I see, instead, is a mishmash of moments from the past
year. I see us navigating the babysitting world together, one spit-up moment at
a time. I see us sitting at Wrigley Field, shocked to find that we both love
baseball, even though neither of us has any understanding of what the hell is
happening on the field. I see movie nights, summertime trips to Navy Pier, and
times spent with the rest of our group of friends.
I don't see Edward, the boy who got caught up in something he wasn't prepared
to handle and lost everything. I see Edward, the man who won the battle
against his own personal demons and came out on top.
Which is why I don't have to think very long before giving him the answer he
wants to hear.
"Yes."
