Again: Chapter 11

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Chapter 11

Chicago, January 2013

"How do I even get on this thing?"

"It's not difficult at all. You just stand, and when you feel the seat hit the back
of your legs, sit."

I watch the skiers in front of us get on the lift effortlessly. The longer I spend
staring at the contraption, the tighter my chest feels.

"I can't do this. What if I fall off it?"

Edward adjusts the strap on his ski goggles and tips his head back, laughing.
"You aren't going to fall off the lift. Trust me. Look." He points his ski pole at a
set of chairs halfway up the hill. "That kid can't be more than three and she got
on, and hasn't fallen off yet."

Rose and Emmett ski up next to us, coming to a stop and spraying snow all over
both Edward and me. "Please tell me you aren't afraid of the ski lift, Bella?"

I roll my eyes and scrunch my nose up in disgust. "Excuse me for not having
parents who had me out on the slopes every weekend."

"It wasn't every weekend. Just a couple times a year. And I'm pretty sure you
went with me on more than one occasion." Rose pushes her own goggles up on
her forehead and gives me a sassy stare.

"I did go with you. And I spent the whole day on the bunny hill with Kate. And
the bunny hill had a rope pull, which didn't take me 50 feet into the air."

"Ladies, c'mon. Edward and I would like to get at least a few more runs in
before the snow melts." Emmett's eyes dance mischievously. I glance helplessly
between the three of them. I can't be the only one who won't go up the hill. I'd
never live that down. So, I ski up next to Edward and use my pole to point to
the lift.

"Let's go, Cullen," I mutter. His smile touches his eyes and we take off in a
single file line, with Emmett leading and me lagging in the back. I watch others
get on the lift, and when it comes time for Edward and me to board, I do exactly
as he instructed earlier. I grip the side of the seat with one hand while holding
both of my poles in the other. Edward talks the whole way up about frivolous
topics like the weather and what's new on Netflix, which eases my nerves.
Shortly before we reach the top, he walks me through how to get off and I
manage to do so without breaking anything or falling on my ass.

My trip down the hill is not nearly as graceful; however, and after two falls and
a runaway ski, I decide to hole up in the chalet for the rest of the afternoon. I'm
wrapped up a romance book that's almost as steamy as my hot chocolate when
Edward flops into the seat across from me.

"So, Rosalie doesn't hate me anymore," he comments as he pulls off his gloves
and tosses his goggles on the table.

"Is that so?"

He slides my glass of cocoa across the table and takes a sip. I slap his fingers
away from the cardboard and take the mug back, putting it safely outside of his
reach. "It is."

"And how do you know this?" I play along, even though I already know that
Rose has started to come around. As Edward and I worked on rebuilding our
friendship, I kept Rose in the loop. About a month and a half into things, I
started planning activities for the four of us to do together. Rose was plenty
cheeky at first, but as time went on, she started to warm up to Edward. The
difference in him was crystal clear, and the fact that he and I were only
friends—with no plans on becoming more—eased some of her apprehension.

"She invited me to her and Emmett's Super Bowl party." Edward puffs his chest
out and laughs.

"You know that means you have to bring something to share, right?"

"Like a food dish?"

"No, like a package of toilet paper. Of course I'm talking about a food dish,
doofus!" I reach across the table and swat Edward on the side of the head. He
catches my wrist in his hand and what follows is an awkward wrestling match,
which I very gracefully lose.

"You're all in luck then, because I make some of the meanest jerk chicken on
this planet."

I arch a brow and cock my head to the side. "Is that so? Because if I recall
correctly, there was once a time when you could have burned water if you even
tried to cook."

Edward rolls his eyes. "That was before I became a bachelor who was forced to
fend for himself."

"Well, this should be an interesting Super Bowl spread, to say the least."

"Ha ha ha, laugh it up all you want. In three weeks you're going to be eating
your words—right after you eat every bit of my food you stack on your plate."

"Care to wager something on that?"

He taps his chin thoughtfully and then his eyes light up. "Dunkin Donuts
breakfast for a week."

I reach across the table and shake his hand. "You've got yourself a deal."

As it turns out, Edward was right. His jerk chicken was the most amazing thing
at the party. So amazing that I ate six skewers of it.

And then spent the next seven days getting on a first name basis with the staff
at my corner Dunkin.

.

.

.

Chicago, May 2013

"So, I got Safe Haven, Dark Shadows, Beautiful Creatures, and Texas Chainsaw
Massacre." Edward spreads the DVD cases out on Alice's coffee table next to the
bag of Chinese takeout he was kind enough to bring over. It's my first time
babysitting Maggie and as soon as she starts crying, I start freaking the fuck
out. Alice and Jasper are out on a double date with Rose and Emmett, so it's
Edward's number I dial when I need reinforcement.

"Better go with Safe Haven." My response is met with an eye roll of epic
proportions. "There's a five-month-old baby in the next room over, Cullen. We
can't exactly watch a horror flick."

"You always had a weak stomach," he remarks. I get the Chinese plated while
he busies himself with the DVD player.

"This might be the best chow mein I've ever eaten." A few pieces of rice fall
from my full mouth and I plop them back onto the plate. Edward doesn't even
notice. Reason number 2343264343 being just friends is so much better than
being someone's girlfriend: you can act like one the guys and not get looked
down on for it.

"This was pretty much the only place I ate at for the first three months I lived
here. I had no cooking skills back then and I was lazy. And it doesn't hurt that
the food is so god damn delicious."

It only takes a half hour for me to remember why I gave up on Nicholas Sparks'
books a few years back. Once you've read one you've read them all, and it
appears the movies are no different. I agree to let Edward switch to Dark Shadows after he informs me that it's much more comedy than it is horror. Plus,
Johnny Depp is in it and, well, that fact never hurt anyone.

We're fifteen minutes into the new movie when Maggie starts screaming. I
collect her from her crib and rock her in my arms, but her screams only
intensify. I try rubbing her back, but that doesn't calm her either. I'm about to
start crying myself when Edward appears at my side.

"Here, let me take her." He lifts her into his arms and cradles her, pinching her
nose gently and ooohing and aaahing. Maggie quiets down immediately.

"Okay, when did you become the baby whisperer?"

Edward leads us back to the kitchen, where he grabs a bottle of milk from the
fridge and runs water to warm it. "I watch too much TLC," he jokes. "I took care
of Eric's kids a few times before I moved out here. Of course they weren't quite
as easy to quiet down as this pretty little lady here is."

I watch in silence as Edward gets the bottle ready and feeds Maggie. He looks
so relaxed and in his element, and the whole scene is like a shock to my
system. I decided eons ago that I wasn't going to have children. They just didn't
fit into the lifestyle I saw for myself. I still don't think I want them, but seeing
Edward with a baby is like a drop-kick straight to the uterus. Both ovaries are
encouraging me to throw myself at him and beg him to impregnate me.

The sudden attraction I feel is unnerving. I'm not immune to Edward's good
looks by any means, but up until tonight, everything between us has always felt
platonic. Things between us still are platonic, as they should be, but the longer I
stare at him, the less innocent my thoughts get.

Then Maggie spits up all over the front of Edward's shirt, which causes him to
spit up all over the kitchen floor.

And that's all it takes for my traitorous reproductive organs to stand down and
the platonic walls to slip firmly back into place.

.

.

.

Chicago, August 2013

"You turned down a date with a fireman?" The way Rose says it, you'd think I
committed a cardinal sin.

"Who turned down a date with a fireman?" Edward struts into the kitchen
carrying a plate full of freshly grilled burgers and brats.

"Bella did," Alice explains.

"For fucks sakes, woman, what's wrong with you?" Rose is waving a spatula in
the air now.

"Language, please!" Alice hisses, covering Maggie's ears.

"Oh c'mon, Ali, she won't remember that word by the time she starts talking.
Isn't that right, cute stuff?" Rose bends down and pinches Maggie's cheek, but
her eyes stay fixed on me. "Seriously, Bella, a rugged fireman is like every
woman's proverbial wet dream. Just think about it, you could literally climb his
pole. And if he looks like Taylor Kinney …"

Edward leans against the counter, crossing his legs at the ankles and chuckling.
"Can someone please explain the appeal to me? The real ones don't look
anything like the ones on that TV show. Christ, half of the crew at the station by
my apartment is old enough to be my dad. Not to mention the spare tires I see
going on there."

"It's all in the uniform," I tell him with a wink.

"Oh yes, the uniform." Rose sighs dreamily as she finishes arranging a stack of
Hawaiian buns on a tray. "Every woman loves a man in uniform."

We're at Rose and Emmett's new townhouse, celebrating their housewarming
and getting some use out of the backyard while we still can. I've been telling
Rose and Alice about my woes, and how I nuked my profile completely a few
days earlier.

"So why did you turn down the date with the fireman then?" Edward asks me,
eyebrow cocked and smirk in place. My mouth goes dry and I grab a wooden
spoon to stir the potato salad.

"She's giving the dating world a break," Alice answers for me.

At this, Edward's eyebrows shoot up. "Has it been that bad?"

"No," I answer. "It's just, well, I'm tired of going on one or two dates and not
seeing things work out. So, I'm going to focus on me. I'm going to take a
sculpting class and a cooking class, feng shui my apartment, maybe get one of
those garden plots I've seen around town. I'm only 32, so it's not like I need to
be in any hurry to settle down."

"You can't give up that quick," Rose protests. "I must have gone on at least
three dozen bad dates before I stumbled across Emmett. And look at us now?
There's a diamond in the rough somewhere on there for you, but closing your
account and quitting isn't how you're going to find him."

"You closed your account?" Edward asks.

"Yep. I'm guilty as charged."

"Hmm." He pushes himself off of the counter and heads for the door.
"Interesting."

Once he's gone, Alice swoops in, all hushed whispers and excitement. "Bella,
he's obviously interested in you. Please tell me that's why you closed down your
Match stuff?"

"Alice—"

"Oh, no." Rose grabs paper plates and napkins from the cupboard and tosses
them onto the table next to the veggie tray, then plants her hands firmly on her
two-months-pregnant hips. "No, no, no, no, no. You and Edward as friends is
one thing. You and Edward as a couple again is too much, too soon."

"Too much, too soon? Oh, please, Rose." Alice brushes her off with a flick of her
wrist and turns her attention fully to me. "Look Bella, Edward is a great guy.
He's really got his shit together, and look at how well-received all of his work
has been by the local art world. He's a tall glass of water with good manners
and a heart of gold, and he's obviously still got feelings for you. Don't listen to
her, Bel—"

"Stop!" I shout, holding my hands up in the air and shaking my head. "Both of
you just shut up for a minute." I turn to Alice and frown. "Edward and I are
friends. Good friends, who keep each other company, share an inside joke or
two, and support one another through the tough times. Yes, we have a history,
but that doesn't mean I'm planning on jumping back into his arms." I spin
around and fix Rose with a glare. "And you need to learn limits. You're not my
mom and you're not the dictator of my life. I'll date who I want to date and
dammit, if I want to delete my dating profile, I'll do that, too!"

Rose's face turns beet red. "Oh my, God, so you do want to date him?"

"Who wants to date who?" Emmett strolls into the kitchen with the rest of the
burgers.

"Bella wants to date Edward," Rose says, hands flying in the air animatedly.

"Hold up, what?" Edward steps around Emmett and fixes his eyes on me. If
melting into the floor and becoming one with the vinyl was an option, I'd
absolutely take it now.

"I never said that!" I shout, a little louder than necessary. Alice looks at Rose,
who looks at Emmett, who glances over his shoulder at Edward, who hasn't yet
taken his eyes off of me.

"Okay, so, who wants a burger?" Jasper pops out from behind Edward and
heads for the dining room, tripping over Alice's wayward diaper bag. The fall
sends him flying straight into the kitchen table, which promptly tips over. Food
goes everywhere and for a minute, nobody says anything.

Then we all burst into a roaring fit of belly-shaking laughter.

The topic of Edward and I doesn't come up in conversation again that night. But
every time I steal a glance at him, his eyes are glued to me.

.

.

.

Chicago, November 2013

The stairs leading up to the Museum of Contemporary Art are decorated with a
red carpet, which currently holds the crème de la crème of Chicago high society.
There's no back way for me to use to enter, so I grin and bear all the attention,
until I'm safely inside with a glass of bubbly in my hand.

Each year the museum holds a big gala fundraiser, complete with a posh dinner
and silent auction. Everyone who is anyone attends, and since I now work at
one of the more popular galleries in town, it means I'm on the guest list as well.

"This is quite the dog and pony show, isn't it?" I look up into Edward's green
eyes and relief overcomes me. Before I even register what I'm doing my arms
are around his neck and I'm hugging him close to me.

"Thank goodness you're here," I say when we break apart a moment later. He
runs his fingers through his hair and grins.

"Someone is still not a fan of big social functions I see."

I punch his arm lightly and grab another glass of champagne from a passing
waitress. "Not one bit. I need all the liquid courage I can get."

"I raise my seltzer water to you," Edward jokes, holding his glass in the air and
clinking it against my own. He holds his arm out and cocks an eyebrow at me.
"Care to join me in making the rounds? Perhaps if we handle this as a duo it'll
make things slightly less awkward?"

I stare at his arm for a second before slipping mine through it. He leads me
around the space and we stop occasionally, chatting with other artists, gallery
owners, buyers, and people we mutually know. I have one more glass of
champagne and then force myself to stop drinking. I know myself well enough
to know if I don't get food in my system soon, I'll be in dire straits come about
nine o'clock.

Dinner is a big ordeal. Seating is assigned, and fortunately Edward and I are
both at a table with Alice and Jasper, so there's no shortage of entertainment.

"You look stunning tonight, by the way," Edward whispers in my ear. A shiver
runs up my spine and I can't help but smile at the compliment.

"Thank you. You look pretty dapper yourself."

"Dapper, huh? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

I laugh. "I'm pretty sure that's what the kids were calling it back in 1920."

"Well then, here's to bringing old slang back." He clinks his fork against mine
this time and I don't miss the girly rush that comes with the silly gesture.

Dinner morphs into the silent auction, during which Edward manages to win a
couples' trip for two to Italy. I don't ask who his plus one will be for the
vacation, as much as I want to. He lives his life and I live mine.

But, man, I think I'd want to cut someone if I found out they were on the trip
with him.

Alice and I indulge a little bit too much in the chocolaty dessert spread they
bring around, and then my least favorite part of the evening arrives—the
dancing.

I never quite got the hang of dancing, even when it just meant moving in slow
circles with my arms wrapped around another person. I'm a bona fide klutz, a
trait I inherited from my father and never managed to shed. Events like this
always go the same: one or two men ask me to dance, I accept their offer
because I'm too nice of a person to say no, and after about two minutes of
witnessing my antics, they deposit me back at my table and find someone who
could actually move without looking like a contortionist.

I'm alone at the table, admiring how beautiful Alice and Jasper look on the
dance floor, when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Care to show me your moves?" I look up and into springtime eyes and a
dazzling smile. Every reason I should say no disappears and I find myself
standing and taking his extended hand.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I whisper as he leads me out to the middle of the
dance floor.

"That's not your real hair?"

"Ha ha, very funny." I tug him to a stop and turn him to face me. "I have no
moves. Honestly, I'm the worst dancer in this place."

"Then it's a good thing my nana taught me how to lead." He takes my hands
and places them on the tops of his shoulders, then settles his own on my waist.
I feel him lift me briefly, like I weigh no more than a feather, and when I look
down I see my black heels resting on top of his dress shoes. The sounds of Miles
Davis' "Bye Bye Blackbird" fills the air and we start to move in slow circles.

"I must admit, I'm impressed," I say, sliding my hands behind his neck and
clasping my fingers together.

"With what?"

"Most men give up on me before the first song is halfway through. You're a
brave soul, Cullen."

He chuckles and tips his head forward, stopping when I feel his breath caress
my ear and neck. "It's a good thing I'm not most men then." When I look up
into his eyes, they're smoldering.

The longer we sway to the music, the less our surroundings matter. Pretty soon
it's just Edward and me, in our own corner of the world, swaying to the beat of
a song that my Grandma Swan likely danced to when she was a young woman.
I take in every detail of the moment; the way Edward's fingers dig ever so
lightly into my hips as he holds me, the look of wonder and adoration on his
face, and the way my body hums to life just from being in such close proximity
to him.

Rose's words from the bar-b-que float their way into my mind, and though I find
myself surprised by the fact that we even got here, I know there's truth behind
them now. I closed my account because I was hoping we'd get to a point where
I could possibly get past what happened and envision a future for Edward and
me. It had nothing to do with my being tired of bad dates.

"Bella?" I look up and find Edward staring intently at me. "Can I take you out?
On a date?"

His words are unexpected, but immediately ignite the small flame in my chest
that was never really extinguished. I close my eyes, expecting to be bombarded
by a slideshow of all the reasons I should say no, but I don't see any of those
things anymore. What I see, instead, is a mishmash of moments from the past
year. I see us navigating the babysitting world together, one spit-up moment at
a time. I see us sitting at Wrigley Field, shocked to find that we both love
baseball, even though neither of us has any understanding of what the hell is
happening on the field. I see movie nights, summertime trips to Navy Pier, and
times spent with the rest of our group of friends.

I don't see Edward, the boy who got caught up in something he wasn't prepared
to handle and lost everything. I see Edward, the man who won the battle
against his own personal demons and came out on top.

Which is why I don't have to think very long before giving him the answer he
wants to hear.

"Yes."