Thanks
to WitchyVampireGirl for talking me off the ledge numerous times and
lending me your
ear over lunch and on Facebook. I think I had about four
mini meltdowns while writing this
chapter, and they probably would have
turned into volcanic sized eruptions if you weren't there
to assist.
Thanks
to the girls in my Facebook group for laughter, support, and the
chapter discussions. I
look forward to them every time I update. :)
Thanks
to everyone who is still here. I know my updates don't come as
frequently as you or I
would like at times, but I appreciate your
patience and I want to say thank you for sticking
around and coming
back.
Thanks to EvilNat for the pimpage and reccing this.
I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't here, so for now I'll sit back and let everyone (hopefully) enjoy... :)
Chapter Song: Hemorrhage (In My Hands) by Fuel
Characters belong to SM, recognizable faces and places belong to the rightful owners, and I take responsibility for the rest.
Chapter 29 – Room to Breathe
Edward's POV
I was on my way into the office when I got Jasper's call. He didn't waste any time getting
straight to the point.
"The girls know."
"The girls know what?" I had no idea what he was talking about.
"About the bet," he sighed.
I flicked my wrist in the air, signaling Sam to turn down the music. "What do you mean 'the girls know'?"
He paused before answering. "Rosalie overheard Emmett and I talking about it at the White
party."
"What exactly did she overhear you say?"
"She heard Emmett telling me that I didn't even need to make a bet with you to get Bella to fall in love."
"Why were you discussing the bet in the first place?"
"Because the two of you looked so happy," Jasper explained.
"Our looking happy inspired you to discuss that topic?"
"We were both … surprised by how well this whole thing worked out for you. And neither of us
knew Rose was standing behind us."
I
pinched the bridge of my nose and leaned my head against the seat. The
air felt like it was a
million degrees, but a cold sweat still spread
across every inch of my body. I reached down and
loosened my tie, popped
open the top button on my Oxford, and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Edward?"
"How did Alice find out?"
"Rose
called her first thing Saturday morning and had us come over. She
backed us into a corner
and interrogated us in front of Alice."
"Jesus,"
I muttered, balling my fist in anger. "Do you think they told Bella?"
The silence that
followed served as enough of an answer, but I needed to
hear the words come from my best
friend's mouth. "C'mon, Jasper, answer
the damn question. Do you think they told Bella?"
"They were going to tell her when she got back from the Hamptons."
I
banged my fist against the car window, wincing in pain when my knuckles
collided with the
hard glass. As much as I wanted to chew Jasper out, I
also wanted to know everything that he
knew leading up to this point.
"Have they talked to her yet?"
"I don't know, man." Jasper sounded
defeated. "I tried to ask Alice about it last night and she
refused to
touch on the topic. And Rose hasn't spoke to Emmett since last weekend."
"This
is so fucking stupid." I slumped back against the seat once more.
"Nobody but the three of
us ever needed to know about this. I mean we
called the fucking thing off months ago!"
"I'm sorry-"
"I
know you're sorry," I said, thumping my fist against the window once
more. "Unfortunately
sorry isn't going to do shit to fix anything that's
broken because of this. I've spent months
proving myself to so many
people - Bella, Rose, Charlie and Renee. None of that will matter
when
word of this gets out."
"Maybe they didn't talk to her yet?"
"Please,
Jasper. I'm sure Rose was just waiting for me to fuck up so she could
wave her I-told-
you-so flag all over town. She's always thought I was an
asshole. This little piece of information
only goes to prove her
right!"
Jasper sighed. "I know Rose hasn't thought highly of you,
but you said it yourself – you've
changed. So many people noticed it,
Edward, and I'm almost positive she's one of them. I would
expect a lot
more arguments between her and Bella if she didn't."
"Well it
really won't matter much now, will it? I'm just the asshole who had a
bet that entailed
fucking with her best friend's emotions." Sam brought
the car to a stop in front of my office. "I
have to go. I just got to
work."
"Are you going to call Bella?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I'm going to her place for the weekend, so I'll see her
tonight either way."
"For
what it's worth, I really am sorry. I never would have said anything
had we not been sitting
on the hot seat in the middle of Rose's living
room. Emmett and I are in deep too, if it makes you feel any better."
I scoffed. "What would make me feel better would be you going back to your hot seat and
erasing everything you said."
"I wish I could do that."
"Thanks for giving me a heads up anyway." I eased the door open and climbed out of the car.
"Let me know what happens when the two of you talk."
"Will do. I'll talk to you later." I hung up before Jasper had a chance to say goodbye.
"Edward?" I whipped around to find Sam holding my briefcase out to me. "You forgot this."
"Thanks,"
I mumbled, grabbing it and jogging up the sidewalk. As soon as I got to
my office, I
closed the door and dropped down on my chair. I resisted
the urge to shout and throw something, and opted to rest my head on my
desk instead.
I wanted to call Bella and dive right in to what I
knew would be a difficult conversation. The
more I thought about it,
however, the more I realized what a bad idea it was. I owed Bella an
explanation and I knew she would have questions for me. Having that
conversation over the phone was a pussy thing for me to do, and it
wasn't fair for her. She deserved so much more than that, and I wanted
her to be able to see the conviction on my face when I told her how much
I
loved her and how right everything felt. Bet or no bet I had fallen
very hard for this woman, and
I panned on keeping her in my life for as
long as she would let me.
Texting Bella wasn't out of the picture,
however. I had no intention of bringing anything up, but I at least
wanted to make sure I was still welcome at her place for the weekend. I
grabbed my
phone and typed out a short message.
I can't wait for our weekend to begin. I'll be over around 7. – E.
A half hour later I still hadn't heard back, so I sent another message.
Should I pick up dinner on my way over? – E.
When
another half hour passed with no response, I gave up and pulled out my
work. The
spreadsheet of company codes and numbers that usually served
as a welcome distraction did
nothing to quell the nervousness that
weighed down my stomach.
Bella always got back to me in a
relatively quick fashion. The only time it took longer was when she was
knee-deep in a project, and I knew that she didn't have anything like
that on her agenda
today.
She knows, a small voice inside my head sang out. She
knows and she's pissed off and she'll
probably have all her shit
unpacked and yours sitting on the front steps when you get over there
tonight.
I dropped my pen and fisted my hair in frustration.
Everything was about to get insanely fucked up.
I just hoped that nothing turned out broken beyond repair.
Rose's POV
"What?"
"Don't hang up, please," Emmett spat out.
"Give me one good reason not to."
"You love me."
"I
may love you Emmett, but I really don't like you right now. Nor do I
feel like talking." I hung
up the phone and turned the volume off before
he could say another word.
"I hope that's just your over-the-top pregnancy hormones talking." I jumped at the sound of
Mike's voice.
"Christ Newton, you scared the shit out of me!"
"I'm
glad to know I still have the ability to startle people." He strolled
along the wall of my
office, running his fingers over the racks of fall
pieces my assistant had just brought in. "The
sight of long sleeves
before we've even had a chance to break out the short ones depresses me. Why can't your industry run congruently with the actual seasons?"
"Fashion
is about being one step ahead of the game," I said, taking a seat
behind my desk and
slipping my shoes off. No matter what I wore, my feet
always ached these days. I massaged the
ball of my right foot with the
toes of my left and leaned my head back on my chair. "To what do
I owe
this mid-day visit?"
"We can get to that in a minute," Mike
replied, clapping his hands together loudly in an effort to
get my
attention. I squinted my eyes open and sighed, sitting straight in my
chair and focusing
on him.
"Yes?"
"What's going on with you and Emmett?"
"I can't speak for Emmett since I haven't really seen or talked to him since Sunday, but I'm busy
trying to assemble-"
"Nah-ah,"
Mike said, rolling his eyes and shaking his finger "no" in front of me.
"That was a
very cute attempt at deflection you made there, but it's
not going to work. What is going on with
you and Emmett's relationship?"
"I'm not speaking to him."
"I can see that. Why?"
"Because he, Jasper, and Edward did a really shitty thing to Bella and I refuse to let him off the
hook that easily."
Mike narrowed his eyebrows. "What did they do to Bella?"
I
didn't want to revisit the topic. Every time I thought about it I got
upset. Unfortunately I knew
Mike wouldn't stop pressing until I did.
"Edward made a bet with Jasper that he could get Bella
to fall in love
with him. That's why he came to Bella for PR and why he initially tried
hooking
up with her."
"What kind of bet?"
"If Bella fell for him then Edward got Jasper's new Hamptons house. If she didn't, Jasper got
Edward's new BMW."
Mike laughed. "A car and a house, huh? Could they get any more unoriginal?"
"Unoriginal? Really Mike?"
"What?"
He shrugged and smirked. "Even you have to admit they could have done
better. I mean Jasper has to have some dirt on Edward. He could have
leaked some of his juicy secrets. But, I
digress; when and how did you
find this out?"
"Emmett let it slip at the White party. I made him and Jasper tell Ali and I everything on
Sunday."
"Well,
that explains why you spent the majority of that night walking around
like you had a stick stuck up your ass. What did they tell you?"
I
relayed everything to Mike, beginning with our night at the Guggenheim
and ending with
Sunday's early morning chat. When I met his eyes at the
end of my story, I was surprised to find
amusement in them.
"How are you not fuming right now? I just told you that our best friend's relationship is founded
on a huge lie."
Mike
chuckled and leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his
knees and propping his
chin up in his hands. "Before you go all batshit
preggo crazy on me, please hear me out. I know
and I understand why
you're upset. You've always treated your friends like they're family,
Rosalie, especially when it comes to the girls. I know secret-keeping is
something you frown on, especially after everything that happened with
Jacob, and I know you've always had a bad
feeling about Edward's
intentions."
"Then you know-"
"BUT," Mike interrupted," I
also know that you've seen Edward's transformation with your own
eyes.
They may have made that bet, but when shit started to get real, they
squashed it. To me,
that says that what may have started out as a game
grew into much more. That is where you
should focus your attention."
"You're kidding, right?" It sounded like Mike was speaking a foreign language. "I find all this
shit out by accident – accident,
Mike, because neither of them had any intention of telling us –
and you
expect me to just forget it and focus on the fact that they only let it
go on for a month?"
"I'm not expecting you to forget anything,
sweetheart. I'm asking you to have an open-mind. Do
you really think
Edward would have spent so much time continuing to pursue Bella after the
bet
was called off if he didn't have feelings for her? The guy could
pretty much walk into a room
and pick out ten women who would go home
with him with no questions asked."
"Which is probably what he spent all last fall doing when Bella wasn't around!"
"Even
if he was, that's Bella's battle to fight, not yours." Mike stood and
came around the desk,
spinning my chair around until I faced him and
then kneeling in front of me. "Emmett is a good
guy, Rose. If there was
ever a risk of Bella getting hurt because of that bet he would have come
forward and told you. Hell, according to what you just told me he gave
Edward and Jasper both
a timeline to end it or he would tell you. He
obviously didn't support their stupidity and he didn't want to be an
accomplice in all of it.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't or can't
feel upset over this. It pisses me off too, but not enough to
make me
want to sever relationships with anybody involved. I trust Jasper and
Emmett enough
to know that them holding on to this secret was the best
course of action in their eyes. After all,
was anything going to hell
last week before you knew about this?"
I shook my head and opened
my mouth to speak, but Mike held up a single finger to silence me.
"Everything was fine last week. Everything was normal last week. Had you
not insisted on
grilling the two of them after they told you it wasn't
important, everything would still be fine and normal. You and Emmett
would have enjoyed a nice phone conversation a few minutes ago,
Alice
wouldn't be confused as to what to believe or not believe when it comes
to Jasper, and
poor Bella wouldn't be sitting at home in her apartment
mindfucking a situation that belongs in
the past.
"I know that you
have good intentions and I know you're just trying to be there for your
friend,
but I think it's time to let go of the apron strings and let
Bella make her own decision about the
future of her relationship. Some
stories aren't ours to share, Rose, and I think in this case you
probably should have let Jasper and Emmett handle things on their own."
I blew out a long breath, releasing all of the anger and sass I'd built up inside. Tears clouded my
vision and I bit my lip. Fucking hormones.
"Why would they do that to Bella? She deserves to
be the center of
someone's world, Mike, not a yo-yo they tug around for entertainment."
He
shrugged again. "They were drunk. People do stupid shit when they're
drunk. You of all
people should know this." I reached out to smack the
back of his head, but he dodged and
laughed. "You've seen how Edward is
with her. She's not his yo-yo, Rosie; she's his partner. The
milk to his
cookie, you know?"
I couldn't help but crack a smile. "My drunken stupidity ended in my mid-twenties, thank you."
"Sometimes
it takes those of us with dangling participles between our legs a bit
longer to get to
that same point." He reached out and rested his palm on
my belly. "All that stress you're carrying around with you isn't good
for the little one in here. You need to relax and let some of this stuff
go, hun."
Oh hell. There's no time like the present. "Little boy," I whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Little boy," I repeated. "I'm having a baby boy."
Mike's eyes lit up. "What? When did you find this out?"
"Tuesday."
"Does Emmett know?"
I nodded. "He was there."
"For fucks sakes, Smith, what did he say?"
"He seemed excited," I said, smiling a bit wider at the memory.
"What
do you mean 'he seemed excited'?" Mike asked, widening his eyes.
"Please don't tell me
you gave him the silent treatment during your
sonogram?"
I hung my head in embarrassment. "Not complete silence, but close to it."
Mike
grabbed my phone off my desk and held it out to me. "Don't look at me
that way. You call
that man and invite him over for dinner after work.
You missed out on sharing a very special
moment because you insist on
acting stubborn and childish."
I took the phone and punched in Emmett's number. He answered on the second ring. "Rose?"
"I'm sorry," I blurted out, not bothering to hold back the tears that streamed down my face. "Will you come over tonight?"
"Of course I will. Are you crying?"
"Yes," I sniffled, glancing over at Mike. He laughed and made a face at me, and I held my
middle finger up in response.
"Should I come to your office now? I can be there in fifteen minutes."
"No, no, don't do that. Mike is here, so I'll be okay."
"Are you sure? I don't have anything going on right-"
"It's okay, Em. Really."
He sighed on the other end of the line. "I'm happy you called."
I cracked a small smile. "I'll see you tonight."
"I'll be there."
Mike started slow clapping as soon as I hung up the phone. "Very good, Smith. This might be
the first step toward a new you."
"Ha. Don't get your hopes up so fast. I'm still pissed."
"And,
like I said, being pissed off is perfectly fine. Just don't let it
consume you to the point
where you end up losing the man who, in my
humble opinion, is the best you've ever had."
"I don't want to
talk about anything related to me anymore," I said honestly. "So, you
must have
had a reason for coming over here?"
Mike shrugged. "Not really. I was in the neighborhood and wanted to say 'hi'. Of course I was
beginning to wonder if something drastic had happened after not hearing from any of my ladies f
or almost a week."
"It's only been five days. We've gone way longer than that without talking."
"Yes,
but that was before all of you had beautiful men in your lives and were
getting laid on a regular basis. Things around here get much more
interesting when there's dick to discuss." Mike laughed and ducked to
the left as I reached out to slap his shoulder.
"Dick complicates everything, as you can see."
A devilish twinkle lit up his eyes. "There's a simple solution to that problem."
"Do I even want to ask?"
"Less talking, more fucking."
I rolled my eyes. "Leave it to you to come up with something like that."
"Come have lunch with me. I guarantee laughs for at least an hour."
I glanced at my clock and then over at the racks of clothes that lined
the wall. I had plenty of things to keep me busy, but my mind hadn't
been on work all morning, and I knew it wouldn't be now that Emmett was
coming over either.
"Okay, but you're buying."
"I've never objected to spending my money on gorgeous ladies."
I stood and grabbed my purse before looping my arm through Mike's. "Thanks for making me smile."
"No problem. Now let's hope I have the same effect on Swan when I go visit her."
The
image of Bella's face from the night before flashed through my mind. My
stomach churned at the realization that I was partially, if not mostly,
responsible for the fact that my friend was likely across town in the
throes of an emotional breakdown.
Mike had a relatively easy time getting me to smile.
I could only hope he would have half as much success when he got around to visiting Bella.
Edward's POV
I
hoisted my duffle bag up on my shoulder and dug my keys out of my
pocket. With the bouquet
of flowers I'd purchased Bella in hand, I took a
deep breath and gingerly slid my key into the
lock. The hall lights
were off and the apartment was quiet with I entered.
"Bell?" I
kicked my shoes off and dropped my bag on the floor. Bella hadn't texted
or called all
day, so I had no idea whether or not she was even home. I
walked slowly to the living room, and
the sight before me broke my
heart.
Bella sat on the floor in front of the couch with her legs
pulled snug against her chest and her
forehead resting against her
knees. She had her pajamas on and her hair was pulled back in a
messy
ponytail. A half-packed box sat on the floor next to her and about
fifteen different framed
photographs were spread out on the carpet.
"Um,"
I mumbled, clearing my throat and picking at the plastic wrap on the
bouquet. When she
didn't respond, I set the bouquet down and crossed the
room. I sank down next to her and folded
my legs beneath me. "I'm
guessing you heard?"
It took a minute for her to answer. "Why,
Edward?" she asked, finally looking up at me. Red,
puffy eyes and
blotchy cheeks greeted me, constricting my heart even more. I reached
out to put
my arm around her, but she leaned away from me and shook her
head.
I sighed. "I wish I had a good reason to give you, but truthfully I don't."
"I
just don't understand." She rested her chin against her knees and fixed
her eyes on one of the
few paintings still on the wall. "I know you've
been through a lot, I know you have issues, and I
know your track record
is pretty much shit. But I can't for the life of me figure out why you
would ever do anything with the intention of hurting someone?"
"I
was a dick back then." I looked up at the ceiling and fisted my hair in
my hands. "I didn't
know what kind of person you were, I didn't know
what you had to offer, and I sure as hell never expected us to get to
where we are today. It was a selfish thing to do and I'm sorry I ever
did it,
Bella."
"Who else knows?"
"What do you mean?"
"Who
else knows about the bet, Edward? Carlisle? Esme? Your colleagues?
Embry? How many
people are aware of the fact that you planned on
humiliating me?"
"Bella, I swear, Jasper and Emmett are the only
two who know. Well, and Sam, but that's only
because he overheard me
talking to Jasper in the car this morning."
"God, I feel like such
a fucking idiot." She stood abruptly and started pacing the floor. "I
really
thought Esme recommended our firm. I thought that you showing up
at my office was the result
of wanting to make your book release
something amazing. The time you kissed me in the back
of the Lincoln and
the night you came home with me after Emmett's show opened … I thought
all of those things actually meant something. And now I find out that
they were just carefully
placed stepping stones on this manipulative
path you carved out."
"Bella-"
"I mean, why did you have to
target me? There are thousands of single women in this city, and
there
were probably at least a hundred at the party that night. I'm not at the
top of the social
ladder and I'm not part of the cream of the crop of
gorgeous beauties prowling around looking
for a guy like you. What the
hell inspired you to drag me into your childish game?"
"Not a part
of the cream of the crop? You set the standard for that group of
ladies, Bella. You're
just too modest to know how truly beautiful you
are."
"Damnit Edward, don't try to divert my attention! Your
flattery will get you nowhere with me
right now. I want answers, and
this conversation isn't over until you give them to me!"
I fumbled
awkwardly with the drawstring on my hooded sweatshirt. Throughout the
course of
my twenties I'd given plenty of women reason to grill me just
like Bella was. It always shocked
me when they chalked my behavior up to
who I was and moved on so easily. Having to endure
the round of twenty
questions was horribly uncomfortable, especially since Bella wasn't just
any
woman. The love I felt for her only served to fuel my humiliation.
"If you're not willing to discuss this then you might as well go."
"You
dumped your phone on me," I said nervously, the words coming out all
wrong. Bella
furrowed her brows in confusion. "I mean you dumped your
drink on my phone; and you
slapped me. Insult to injury, you
know?" She opened her mouth to say something, but I
continued. "No woman
has ever done that before, and truth be told, it was pretty fucking
sexy.
But it was frustrating too. It bruised my ego, which was the size
of Yankee Stadium back then.
"Jasper saw the whole thing go down
from across the room, and of course he thought it was
hilarious. I knew
my womanizing nauseated him, even though he never directly said it, and
seeing me get taken down a notch was like a breath of fresh air I'm
sure. I was already frustrated
by the wet suit and the jacked up phone,
but knowing I'd managed to ruin what little chance I
may have had with
you only frustrated me more. Jasper noticed and that's when we made the
bet."
She stopped pacing and stood in front of me, hands on her
hips and cheeks flushed in anger.
"Ruining what little chance you may
have had with me? Chance for what Edward? A wild romp
in the sheets
followed by tossing me out in the middle of the night? In after dark and
out before
dawn, right? Or were you planning on coming back to my place
and sneaking out after you got
what you wanted?"
I swallowed back
the bile that had risen to my throat and looked up at her. When I first
laid eyes
on her, I had no intention of pursuing a relationship. Hell, I
had no idea of pursuing a
relationship with anyone at that point in time. It was only after I got to know how amazing Bella
was that I realized I wanted to be with her.
I
didn't want to admit to any of this, but I knew I had to. The start of
everything we were now
was already laced with dishonesty, and I didn't
want to be that guy anymore. "Truthfully? I
would have brought you back
to my place after dark and told you I had an early morning
obligation
that warranted your leaving before dawn. I would have devoured your body
and
found some excuse not to give you my number after the fact. I might
have agreed to meet you
again, but I would have concocted some excuse
not to before it was too late. I was an asshole,
Bella. A miserable,
narcissistic, manwhoring asshole. I'm not proud of how I acted, nor am I
proud of the fact that I ever agreed to the bet in the first place. But
it already happened and I
can't rewind the clock and go back and change
it now.
"What I can do is promise you that part of me is gone –
permanently. I can tell you that you I'm
so in love with you that I
can't think straight most of the time. And I can assure you,
wholeheartedly, that I'm with you today because I want to be, not
because I have any material
goods to gain from it. I would never, ever
dream of hurting you, Bella, and I'm so incredibly
sorry that I even
contemplated doing so back then."
I watched as a dozen emotions
crossed Bella's face. Her anger had subsided and now she looked
defeated. She sank to the floor next to me and tipped her head back
against the couch, letting out a loud sigh. "I don't know what to do,
Edward."
"What do you mean 'you don't know what to do'? You're not thinking about breaking up with me are you?"
"I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind."
I looked over at her. "I think that's a bit drastic, don't you?"
"How
am I supposed to trust you after this, Edward? You lied about something
huge; who's to
say you won't lie again? Or that you haven't already?"
"Bella…"
My voice trailed off and I ran my fingers through my hair. "If I didn't
love you, would
I be sitting here right now having this conversation?
You told me that you loved me months ago,
and we've been back in the
city long enough for me to make the great escape. If I didn't want to
be
in this relationship I wouldn't be."
"I know you love me," she
admitted. "But you have to understand, in a few weeks I'll be giving
up
everything I've known up to this point to forge ahead into a new life
with you. Up until
yesterday I'd managed to quell my fears on that
issue, but now they're skipping right back to the
forefront of things."
As
much as I understood why she felt the way she did, I couldn't help but
feel frustrated by how
she was letting the bet overshadow all the
positive aspects of our relationship. "What does the
bet have to do with
us living together?"
"I relinquished my apartment so I could move
in with you, Edward. What happens if we're living together for a few
months and another secret rears its big ugly head?"
"There are no
other secrets," I insisted. "I answered all of your questions, and I
answered them
honestly. I made a mistake, Bella. Plain and simple. I'm
only human for Christ's sakes. What
more do I need to say?"
She
looked down at the carpet and then up at me. "I'm only human too,
Edward. If you get to
live with your faults then I get to live with my
insecurities about this. Plain and simple."
Sarcasm dripped from every
word.
"I didn't mean it like that-"
"I think you should go now."
Her words stung. "But it's my weekend to stay here."
"I know." She stood and crossed her arms over her chest protectively. I stood as well.
"You're really asking me to leave?"
She
nodded. "I need time to mull all of this over. Contrary to what you
seem to think, this is a
big deal and it's not something I'm willing to
take lightly. I've heard you out, you answered my
questions, and now I
want some time to process all of this – on my own."
"I never said it wasn't a big deal."
"You didn't have to say it. The fact that you never planned on telling me makes it glaringly
obvious."
I sighed. "Bella, I'm sorry-"
"I know you're sorry, Edward. What I don't know is if sorry is enough."
I
ran my fingers through my hair before stuffing my hands in my pockets. I
rocked back on my
heels and met her stare. "How long do you need?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Give me the weekend to start?"
"Fine."
I started to head for the door, but turned when I reached the hallway.
"Just so you know, I don't like this. This is how break ups always
start. Someone needs time and space to think, and
before you know it
everything falls apart."
Bella stared at me for a few seconds
before closing the space between us and wrapping her arms
around me. I
squeezed her small form against me and she buried her face in my
shoulder. I
pressed my lips against the top of her head and inhaled the
familiar, fruity scent of her shampoo.
My stomach did a somersault when I
thought about how this might be the last time she'd let me
get this
close.
"If I wanted to break up with you I would do it right now," she whispered.
I leaned away from her and looked down, cupping her face between my hands. "Please remember that this weekend."
She nodded. "I will."
I
leaned forward and gave her one final kiss on the forehead before
turning and grabbing my
duffle bag from its place on the floor. When I
looked back at her, the final intact piece of my
heart cracked. "I love
you, Bella."
"Me too," she mumbled, brushing the newest batch of tears off of her cheeks. "I'll call you on
Monday."
I let myself out reluctantly, closing the door softly behind me.
My
stomach felt like it was tied in knots and my chest felt like someone
had punched a gaping
hole in it. Bella only wanted a weekend to think,
but I felt like she'd just told me she was taking
a year long sabbatical
in China.
In the grand scheme of things, two days wasn't much
time. In this situation, however, two days
could alter both of our lives
in a way that I didn't think would be positive for either of us.
As
much as I wanted to believe that Bella wasn't going to leave me, a
large part of me worried
that she would. And, truth be told, I really
couldn't blame her if she did. Everything was in the
past, just like I'd
stated, but that did nothing to change the fact that Jasper and I did
it.
It took everything in me to resist the urge to run back down
the hall, rush into Bella's apartment,
and beg her for forgiveness. When
the elevator doors finally opened, I stepped inside and hit the
button
for the lobby. She needed time to think, and I needed to have respect
and let her do that.
I had no idea where this weekend would leave us.
I had no guarantees that Bella would want to stay with me or that our relationship would carry
on where it left off if she did.
I had no way of knowing if any of our friends would feed her anymore information over the
course of the weekend.
What I did have was my heart, and in that moment it was filled with a nasty combination of pain
and guilt.
I
knew the future of our relationship rested just as much on my shoulders
as it did hers, even
though it didn't feel that way in the moment.
With
a big sigh, I reluctantly began the long walk to my apartment. Even
though I'd be spending
the weekend alone, I knew what I needed to do.
I
vowed then and there to be the best man I could be for Bella. I vowed
to show her how much I
loved her, to prove to her that she could trust
me beyond a shadow of a doubt, and to make her
see that the bet meant
absolutely nothing to me.
I vowed to become an even more new and improved version of Edward Cullen.
And I vowed to start that night.
