The Edward Diaries: Volume 1, Sophomore Year

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HOT COMMODITY: THE EDWARD DIARIES – VOLUME 1, SOPHOMORE YEAR

November 18, 1999 - Wednesday

I love the sight of New York City in the fall. The brightly colored leaves stand out against the urban backdrop, the air smells of food carts and brewing hot beverages, and everyone has a little extra bounce to their step at the thought of the impending holidays.

I used to write so regularly in here, and for good reason. Ever since Jasper and I got to NYU I've been having the time of my life. I've met a lot of new people, formed a small, close-knit group of friends, and had more memorable experiences that I did in the 18 years leading up to college. I never want to forget anything that's happened here so far, for better or for worse, and that's why I document everything. Some day when I'm older I can pull out this journal and my boxes of photographs and share them with my own children, providing them with a glimpse of what their good old dad used to be when he was their age.

I've been distracted the past few months, however, and it seems that my writing has taken a backseat to my new … relationship. Yes, you heard me correctly; I'm in a relationship. (Mark the calendar!)

I know that nobody sees these words aside from me (and maybe Jasper if he's nosy – Whitlock, if you're reading this, PISS OFF and go back to your Penthouse or Playboy or whatever the hell it is you keep stashed in your night stand), but I feel inexplicably guilty about not writing. On one hand I feel like I've cheated myself out of six months of memories that I can never get back and that, no matter how hard I try, I could never write well enough about now to capture the true essence of the moment. On the other hand I feel like I've hogged this beautiful, amazing woman and cheated myself out of all the words I could have written in regards to how wonderful she is (shut the fuck up, Whitlock, I know I'm whipped!).

I guess I should go back to the beginning, which was … May of this year? My, oh my how time flies …

I grabbed my backpack and rushed out of my dorm, not bothering to lock the door behind me. 

Jasper would be back any minute now and there wasn't much of anything left for anyone to take. 

We'd moved most of our belongings into our new apartment already, even though the lease didn't officially start until June first. We were both excited to finish our freshman year and get the hell out of the dorms.

"Cullen! You're late!" Angela looked pissed – really pissed. I gave her my flirtiest smirk but it didn't work. She grabbed the sleeve of my t-shirt and dragged me into our chem lab, slamming the door behind her. The professor – and the rest of the class – looked up at us in annoyance.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Weber, it's so nice of you to join us. I'm quite sure all your classmates will be thrilled to learn that your fifteen minute delay will cost them fifteen minutes of time on their final labs." A chorus of groans and several muttered profanities rang out around the room. Angela fixed me with a death glare before turning beet red and sitting down at our lab table. I eased my backpack onto the floor and nudged her ribs with my elbow.

"We're the brains of this class, Weber, don't worry so much," I whispered. She heaved an 

exasperated sigh and pushed my arm away.

"Edward, please, can you at least try to be serious?" she hissed at me. "I think we've both worked far too hard to keep our grades up in this class to go and blow it on the last day."

"I know, I know." Angela had a point. Even though this course was just a general for me, I needed to keep my GPA up if I wanted to get into Columbia's MBA program when my undergrad was said and done. I quietly turned on the Bunsen burner as Angela began measuring liquids out in the various beakers spread out on our table. I glanced at the clock, willing the time to move faster. This was the last final of my freshman year and I couldn't wait to meet the guys at Emmett's to celebrate the beginning of summer.

Forty minutes later we conquered our final experiment, got a perfect score, and I was officially done with my first year of college.

"Well done, Cullen." Angela gave me an awkward, one armed hug and patted my back. "Perhaps I'll see you in organic chem this fall?"

I laughed and shook my head. "You're destined for greatness in the world of neurosurgery Ang. I'm destined for corporate America. I see no more science courses in my future."

"Thanks for entertaining me this semester. You weren't such a bad lab partner." She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly. "When you weren't busy irritating the piss out of me, that is."

I squeezed her shoulder gently and patted the top of her head. "Enjoy your summer Ang. Give me a call sometime, maybe you can bring that boyfriend of yours over to watch the Yankees with me and Jazz."

Angela's eyes lit up and a smile spread across her face. "Absolutely! Ben would love that." I turned and headed down the hall, dialing Jasper's number and dodging the other students trying to escape the confines of the science building.

"Edward! Where are you man?" Jasper sounded like he already had a few beers in his system. 

Damnit, I don't want everyone to start without me!

"I just walked out of my last final. I should be there in ten minutes."

"The beer is flowing already my friend! Get your ass over here, it's time to celebrate!" He hung up before I had a chance to respond. I jogged up the street and down the stairs that led me to the subway platform. One short ride on the N line and I was in SoHo.

I ran off the train and up the stairs towards the street. I was so excited and in such a hurry that I didn't see the small woman who walked in front of me until it was too late. I ran into her and we both collapsed onto the stairs in a tangle of limbs and bags.

"Jesus, you should really watch where you're going!" She glared at me and pulled down on the bottom of her dress.

I stood up and offered her my hand. She sat stubbornly for a minute or so before reluctantly taking my hand and standing up herself. I bent down and collected her shopping bags, handing them to her in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, really." I ran a hand through my hair nervously and looked at her. She short, probably no taller than 5'2" or 5'3" I would guess, and slender with wavy, chin length caramel colored hair and round hazel eyes. Her cheeks were flushed pink with irritation and her right stocking was ripped from where she'd collided with the pavement.

"You should be," she huffed. "Honestly, there's how many million people sharing these streets and subway systems every day. I would hope you'd realize you're not the only one trying to get somewhere."

I chuckled at her frustration. "Are you a Manhattan native?"

She looked taken aback. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, not to say it wasn't rude of me to maul you over, because clearly it was, but shit like that happens every day here." I shrugged and smiled at her. "Getting knocked over on the subway stairs should probably be the least of your worries. Just wait until someone tries to pee on you."

She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, and then closed it quickly. Her expression softened and I could swear I saw a hint of amusement lingering in her eyes.

"I'm Edward, by the way. Edward Cullen." I stuck my hand out and she shook it promptly.

"Jessica Stanley, New York City transplant." She sighed in exasperation. "You wouldn't happen to know of anywhere close by to get a good stiff drink would you?"

"As it just so happens I'm on my way to meet some friends for drinks right now. Would you care to join us?" She thought about it for a moment before smiling at me and nodding.

"Sure! I have a few hours to waste until my roommate gets in from back home." She shifted awkwardly, trying to balance the bags in her hands. My manners kicked in and I reached out and took several of the bags from her.

She followed me up the stairs and down the street, to where my friends – and a few good men named Jack, Johnny, and Jim – were waiting.

I feel like a total heel going back and writing about this now, because it sounds like something you'd see in a fucking romance movie. But in all honesty, that's how we met. Of course I never thought I'd be the one to end up with her, especially that first night because Jasper was all over her the minute we walked in Emmett's. A few days later we saw one another again, though. Much to my surprise, she decided to go for it…

I slept in all week, enjoying the feeling of complete irresponsibility mixed with laziness. My Type A personality could only take so much of this behavior, however, and so on Saturday I got up early, went for a run, and unpacked and organized everything in our new apartment. I was starving by the time I got done so I decided to clean up and go down to the corner Chinese joint to grab some take out dinner.

"Fancy seeing you here." I recognized her voice before I turned around to look at her.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite NYC transplant. This is twice in one week, Ms. Stanley, I feel very special." She blushed and focused her attention on her flip-flops. "What brings you to Cho's?"

"My roommate is on a date and I'm too lazy to cook anything," she said matter-of-factly. "How about you? Shouldn't you be out capitalizing on the Manhattan nightlife or something?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm actually a nerdy homebody. I just got done unpacking the new apartment and was feeling a bit lazy myself as a result."

"How are you and Jasper liking your new place?" Her eyes scanned the take out menu in her hands as she waited for my answer.

"He's been away at his parents all week, but I think it's great! The location is perfect, the place is decent sized, and it's a hell of a lot better than being cooped up in those damn dorms." I grabbed a take out menu for myself and started leafing through it, even though I already knew what I wanted.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" Her words came out in a jumbled, awkward blurt. Her cheeks flushed crimson and she couldn't look me in the eye. "I mean, since we're both here already, it might be nicer than being stuck home alone on a Saturday night."

I set the takeout menu down on the counter and gave her a reassuring smile. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one feeling anxious about our encounter. "I would love to have dinner with you." I flagged down the host and he led us to a table at the back of the restaurant. A waiter came almost immediately to take our orders.

"So, you must be a NYC native?" Jessica grabbed an edamame from our appetizer dish and popped it into her mouth.

"Guilty as charged. I grew up in Brooklyn." I took a sip of my soda and leaned back in my chair. 

"What gave it away?"

"I don't know how to explain it really, you're just … You're so New York." She emphasized the end of the sentence like it was a bad thing.

"I'm not sure whether to take offense or feel honored by that statement," I teased. She blushed again and played with her napkin.

"I just mean you look the part and you act the part and you can tell you've got years of experience here. I mean, c'mon, you picked up on the fact that I was the new girl in town without even knowing me for twenty minutes."

The waiter brought our entrees and refilled our drinks. I thanked him before continuing the conversation. "Look the part, eh? Whatever do you mean by that?"

She chewed her lo mein thoughtfully, clearly trying to figure out how to express her thoughts. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, but look at you. You came down here just to get take out and you're dressed like you stepped off the pages of GQ. You've got designer everything, you walk with your head held high, you're straightforward, and you're so confident it's borderline cocky. I'd say that qualifies as looking the part."

I raised an eyebrow and pointed my chopsticks at her. "You're pretty good at this for being a transplant. Speaking of which, how long ago did you move here?"

"My roommate Lauren and I just got here last week."

"And where did you move here from, if I may ask?" I can't believe I didn't find this out at Emmett's the first night we met. You didn't have a chance idiot; Jasper was too busy trying to get into her pants.

"I grew up outside of San Francisco." Her eyes lit up at the mention of her hometown. "This was a huge step for me, being so far away from my family and submerged into the city's culture. But, here I am – surviving and managing to meet some great people."

"I've always wanted to visit San Fran. I had a cousin who went to school there, but I never got a chance to go see her." Our conversation continued to flow freely, each of us asking the other questions and getting to know one another better. By the end of dinner I knew that Jessica was the oldest of three siblings, was on the cheerleading squad in high school, and had decided to take a year off to travel in Europe before coming to NYU. Her parents were fairly well off; her dad was an architect and her mom was a dentist. Jessica's roommate, Lauren, had been her best friend since kindergarten, and there wasn't a monumental experience the two hadn't shared. She also confessed that she was scared shitless to move to the East coast, but after being here for a week she was starting to realize it wasn't so bad after all.

I told her about my past as well. She was shocked, and self-admittedly envious, by the fact that I grew up as an only child. Jasper and I were attached at the hip from the time we were toddlers, so I'd always considered him a brother, and our families treated us as if we were. I told her about spending summers in the Hamptons (she made me promise I'd take her out to the beach house sometime before classes stared again) and the many different family trips we took to places around the globe. She seemed genuinely excited to hear about my parent's business, even though it was something that bored me to death most of the time. And she seemed a bit stunned by the fact that I'd only had one serious girlfriend in my life, back in junior year of high school, for a whole six months.

The waiter brought our check and I handed him my credit card before she could say anything. "My treat," I told her. She didn't protest, simply smiled shyly at me and nodded her head. I felt like I'd known her for years, even though we'd only spent a short amount of time together and our conversation wasn't particularly deep. Don't worry, there will be time for that in the future, my subconscious reminded me. And for some odd reason, I understood that was the truth.

"Thank you for dinner, Edward." We were standing on the steps of her apartment building. She was kind enough to let me walk her home. "It was so nice getting to talk to you. For the record, you're nothing like I thought you would be when I first saw you in the subway that day."

"Well, for the record Jessica, you are unlike any NYC transplant I've ever met." I reached out and gave her elbow a friendly squeeze. "I think you're going to do just fine here in the Big Apple."

"That's nice to hear coming from a seasoned veteran," she teased. She glanced down at her watch and back up at me. "I should probably get inside. I don't want to keep you standing out here all night, I'm sure you've got plenty of things still left to do in your new pad."

I took a step forward and ran my fingertips across her cheek. "Can I see you again, Jessica?" My voice came out in a throaty whisper. She bit her lip nervously before giving me a small smile.

"I think that could be arranged – under one condition, of course."

"What condition is that?" I asked curiously. She took a step towards me and cupped my neck with her hand.

"Kiss me."

That was all I needed to hear. I bent down and pressed my lips against hers. I placed my hand on the small of her back, gently pulling her closer to me and deepening our kiss. Her lips tugged on my bottom one when we pulled away, leaving me wanting more.

"How about Monday night at seven?" I couldn't wait to see this woman again.

"Monday is perfect." She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek before turning towards her building.

"Goodnight, Jessica. Until we meet again…" I did an elaborate curtsey and puckered my lips at her. 

She blew me a kiss and danced into the foyer of the building.

As I started my walk home, I couldn't help but think of just how lucky I was to have been in the right subway at the right time yesterday.

I had nothing but good feelings surrounding Jessica and I. I knew in my heart that she was going to be a keeper.

Just like that our relationship blossomed. Two weeks after that dinner I asked her to formally be my girlfriend. Three weeks after that we slept together for the first time and ever since we've been virtually inseparable.

We've spent the past five and a half months together, getting to know one another, laughing together, growing together, and getting closer to one another. Of course we've had our disagreements, but I've never been in such an easygoing relationship as this one. I probably just jinxed myself by saying that, but honestly … It's perfect.

I'm not ready to speak these words yet, but I think I'm in love with her. According to Jasper I'm showing all the classic symptoms – eagerness to please, a constant state of euphoria, endless babbling about anything and everything pertaining to her, and hinting at plans for the two of us in the future.

Ah, shit. Whitlock just got home and I'm pretty sure I'll catch hell for weeks if he sees me writing in an actual journal. More updates to come later and hopefully they'll be more frequent too!

---

January 12, 2000 – Wednesday

I finally told Jessica I loved her. I had it all planned out so it would be this perfect event, but of course I had to go and fuck that up. In the end though, it was still perfect…

It felt like a marching band had taken up residence in my head when I woke up on New Years Day. 

I rubbed my temples and attempted to open my eyes, but the sunlight glaring through my window did nothing but intensify the pain. I groaned and rolled over, draping my arm across Jessica, who was sound asleep next to me.

"What's the matter?" she mumbled sleepily. She slid her arm over my waist and grabbed a fistful of my pajama pants.

"My head. Need Advil." I couldn't even form a coherent sentence. That's what you get for trying to go shot for shot with Peter, my subconscious remarked snidely. Jessica blinked her eyes open and rolled on to her back, stretching her arms over her head.

"You are so lucky you have such a nice girlfriend, Edward." She grabbed a clean pair of my boxers out of the dresser, slipped them on and wandered into the kitchen. She returned a moment later with a glass of water and two Advil. I sat up slowly and took the pills from her, popping them in my mouth and chugging the entire glass of water. My mouth still felt dry. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I was.

"Thank you." I leaned over and gave her a chaste kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"You're welcome." She leaned her forehead against mine, causing me to wince in pain. She planted small, soft kisses on each of my eyelids before jumping up out of bed. "I'm going to make breakfast. Any requests?"

"I'll eat anything that doesn't make my head explode." She shook her head in amusement and walked back to the kitchen. I stood up as slowly as I could and headed for the shower. I adjusted the water temperature and climbed in, enjoying how the warm droplets relaxed my muscles. I showered, shaved, and brushed my teeth before meandering back to my room to get dressed.

I was in the middle of picking out a shirt when it dawned on me – I hadn't told Jessica I loved her at Midnight. I slapped my palm against my forehead, sending bolts of pain across my temples and around to the back of my head. I sat down on the edge of my bed and starred at my closet. How could I have possibly forgotten to tell her? I'd planned the whole display out weeks ago. Because you decided to start drinking at seven and weren't coherent by the time midnight rolled around, my subconscious lectured. I flopped backwards on the bed and threw an arm over my eyes.

I fucked up, big time, although it didn't seem like Jessica noticed or minded for that matter. Of course she doesn't notice moron, she didn't know it was coming. She seemed cheerful as ever, which was a relief given the fact that she probably got stuck babysitting me and escorting me home last night.

"Soup's on." I opened one eye and saw her standing in the doorway of my room, arms crossed over her chest and head cocked to the side. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing at all, I'm just tired." I pulled on my shirt and crossed the room, enveloping her in my arms. She stood on her toes and kissed the tip of my nose. I followed her to the kitchen, where a plate of pancakes, French Toast, eggs, sausage, and bacon all sat on the breakfast bar.

"Something smells delish out here." Jasper trudged out of his room wearing nothing but his boxers. 

He grabbed a plate, loaded it with food, and took a seat at the kitchen table.

I followed suit, sitting across from him. "Is it too much to ask for you to wear real clothes when we're eating?" He laughed and stuffed a piece of bacon in his mouth.

"I'm guessing he lost his real clothes somewhere between the frat house and the apartment." Jessica smiled smugly and looked over at me. "I'm surprised we got you back here in one piece last night. 

Both of you were ridiculous."

I acted appalled. "Me, ridiculous? That could never happen!"

She stole a sausage off my plate. "Oh, trust me, it can, and it did last night. You were walking through Washington Square Park barefoot singing half the songs off the Rent soundtrack at the top of your lungs – off key, might I add." Her head tipped back and she laughed. "Thank god Emmett showed up right before you face planted because there's no way I could have gotten you up here myself."

Emmett was there? I face planted? I didn't remember any of it.

"You know, if someone didn't make me listen to the CD from that musical repetitively I would probably have a couple more options for my drunken performances," I teased. She smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"C'mon, c'mon, none of that affectionate crap at the table! I'm trying to eat here," Jasper groaned. He polished off his orange juice and the last few bites of eggs. "Hale had to come to your rescue, huh? That SOB has to hate us by now."

Jessica shook her head. "Actually, he was quite pleasant about the whole ordeal. He even offered to stick around and make sure nothing happened after we got both of you put to bed."

"Of course he offered to stick around Jess, the guy practically salivates every time he sees you. He probably thought he'd have a good chance of getting in your pants."

"Edward, you're ridiculous!" She stood up and started clearing the table. "Emmett is nothing more than a good friend – to all of us. Besides, he's totally got the hots for Lauren."

"Lauren my ass," I muttered under my breath. She grabbed my chin with her hand and turned my head to face her.

"Stop pouting, Edward Cullen. It doesn't look good on you." She leaned down and pressed her lips against mine. I heard the sound of Jasper's chair sliding across the linoleum and he sighed in disgust before going back to his room. As the kiss deepened, I grabbed Jess around the waist and pulled her down into my lap. She smiled against my lips and pulled at my hair.

"I love you, Jessica Stanley." She pulled back abruptly, turning so she was straddling me, and cupped my face in her palms. Green eyes met hazel ones and a ridiculous grin spread across her face.

"I love you too, Edward Cullen." She pulled my face to her and kissed me again. I stood up, carrying her to my bedroom and kicking the door shut behind us.

It wasn't the fairytale I had planned, but it was perfect none-the-less.

We stayed in bed for the rest of the day. I can't even count the number of times we each said those three words to one another. It was like we couldn't get enough of hearing them.

Now classes are in session and we don't see each other as much as we did over break, but every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed, I'm greeted with a text message that contains three simple words:

I love you.

---

March 22, 2000 – Wednesday

I really don't intentionally try to write on Wednesdays. It just happens this way.

Right now I'm lounging in a poolside cabana at a resort in Punta Cana. Jess is off with Lauren getting a massage and Jasper and Emmett are at the bar. We've been here since Saturday afternoon, and sadly we only have two more nights until spring break ends and we have to return to reality.

Every relationship comes with some unspoken rights of passage. First kiss, first "I love you," first time in the sack … and the inevitable first fight. Jess and I had successfully made it through the first three rights of passage in our first seven months together. I knew things could only go smoothly for so long, and sure enough, the night before we left for the Dominican we marched right into the open arms of right of passage number four – our first full-blown fight.

It was me that sparked the argument (of course), Jess that took it to the next level (of course), and Jasper who tried (unsuccessfully) to play the peacemaker towards the end of the whole ordeal. 

Looking back it was so stupid, but at the time I didn't want to let the topic go…

I stood in the middle of my room ticking off travel items on my fingers. Shampoo? Check. Razor? Check. Swim Trunks? Check. Passport? Check. I had gone through my bags about three times already and I was sure I had everything.

"Edward, will you relax already." Jess called from the bathroom. I smiled. She didn't even have to see me and she knew exactly what I was doing. We were definitely on the same wavelength. "I'm sure you've packed everything you could possibly need and in the event that you do forget something, the resort probably sells it."

I took a deep breath and zipped my bags shut. I carried them out into the living room and set them by the door. We wouldn't even be leaving for the airport for another 18 hours, but I found it was better to be over prepared than scrambling at the last minute.

"Lauren and I are going to go swimsuit shopping," Jess came out of my bedroom carrying her purse and keys. "Do you need me to pick anything up while I'm out?"

I placed my hands on her hips and leaned in to give her a kiss. She ran her fingertips over my cheek and smiled lovingly up at me. "Swimsuit shopping, eh? Just bring yourself back with a cute little number to model for me and I'll be a happy man."

She punched my chest lightly and shook her head. "You're so terrible." She gave me one last kiss on the cheek before leaving me alone in the apartment. I flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels aimlessly until I found a Discovery Health special that interested me. I dozed off within the first ten minutes.

"Edward, man, wake up! You're drooling all over my blanket!" I blinked my eyes sleepily and felt Jasper shaking my shoulders. I was lying on the couch, the TV was still on, and sure enough there was drool pooled up where my head had been. Jasper pulled the blanket out from under me and stalked back to his bedroom, mumbling something about horrible bedside manners on his way. I looked at the clock above the TV. It was almost eight and Jess still wasn't back. I was heading into my room to find my phone and call her when she came through the door.

"Hey!" Her hands were filled with shopping bags, and I grabbed a few to help her out. She shuffled in my room, dropping the bags on the floor and running into the bathroom.

"It's no wonder you were gone so long, you single handedly bought half of Manhattan." I was trying to be funny but there was an underlying hint of irritation in my tone. Lauren was known for her high buck shopping trips. Jessica usually kept her head on her shoulders, but any time she went somewhere with Lauren, all common sense flew out the window.

"Oh calm down crabby ass. You're going to love what I got!" She stepped out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a flimsy string bikini. The bottom left little to the imagination and the two triangles that composed the top barely covered her breasts.

"What is that?" Now my voice was filled with irritation. She smiled uneasily and sauntered towards me, straddling me on the edge of the bed.

"It's my bikini for Punta Cana, silly," She tried to rub her scantily clad body against me but I pushed her away angrily.

"You can't possibly tell me you plan on wearing that on a beach in public on our vacation?"

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and stared angrily at me. "Actually that's exactly what I plan on doing. Is there a problem with that?"

I sunk my fingers into my hair and pulled at is. "Is there a problem? Well now, let's think about that for a minute, shall we? My girlfriend – my girlfriend – plans on wandering around exposing herself to a beach full of horny college guys for a week. I sure as hell think that's a problem!"

She put her hands on her hips in a gesture of defiance. "I might be your girlfriend Edward, but the last time I checked this," she waved her hands up and down the length of her figure, "was my body. I'll wear whatever the hell I want to, I don't need your permission to do anything."

"There's no way in hell you're leaving our room dressed like that," I spit out. Her cheeks turned crimson and her eyes flashed with anger.

"What do you think I am, some piece of property? You don't own me Edward, you don't get to tell me what I fucking can and can't do." She stomped into the bathroom and came back out in her street clothes.

"Last time I checked we were in this thing called a 'relationship,' Jessica. In other words, you don't get to think only about yourself anymore."

She stalked across the room and jabbed my chest with her index finger. "Oh really, Edward? Well, you could have fooled me! I don't think a day has gone by in this relationship that you haven't been entirely fixated on yourself!" She fixed me with a dirty glare. "I couldn't enjoy New Years eve because you just had to get wasted with Peter. I couldn't study for finals last fall because you just had to have someone go to the Nicks games with you. And now I can't even enjoy a cute swimsuit I bought because you are too filled with insecurities to give me your trust! It's always about you, Edward."

Jasper poked his head through the doorway cautiously before walking a few steps into the room. 

"Hey, what's going on in here? You guys are causing quite the commotion."

"What's going on in here is that Jessica thinks she should walk around dressed like a trollop on our vacation and I am expected to just sit back and smile and let it happen." I balled my hands into fists at my side as anger channeled through me.

Jessica started grabbing her shopping bags off the floor. "Actually Jasper, what's going on is that I am leaving and Edward can have the room to himself on the trip. I'm sure Lauren wouldn't mind if I stayed with her and Emmett."

"Maybe Lauren should put on a flimsy excuse for a bathing suit too and you guys can have your very own trollop parade on the beach." Jessica's jaw dropped but no words left her mouth. She stared wordlessly at me for a minute before walking out of the apartment and slamming the door behind her.

"Fuck you Edward!" I heard her yell in the hall. I turned to face the front door and flipped both my middle fingers in the air. A minute later I slunk down on the couch and rested my head in my hands.

"That was not good, my friend. Not good at all." Jasper sat down next to me and patted my shoulder. I shrugged his hand off and stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me. I showered and got in bed, half expecting Jess to be there when I woke up the next morning.

I was still alone when I opened my eyes.

I checked my cell and there were no missed calls or texts. I asked Jasper if he'd heard anything and he said no. I texted Emmett but didn't get a response and both Jessica and Lauren's phones were shut off. I would have to wait until we got the airport to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Aren't you nervous, man?" Jasper and I were seated in the back of a taxi on our way to JFK.

I was going through my mental checklist of what I needed. Boarding pass? Check. Credit cards? 

Check. Cash? Check.

"Hello? Earth to Edward? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" Jasper snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"I'm not nervous at all," I lied. "It was just a disagreement. I'm sure once we're on the plane everything will work itself out and our trip can continue as originally planned."

Boy was I wrong.

When I boarded I found Emmett sitting in the first class seat next to me. Jessica was planted next to Lauren a few rows back in coach. She didn't even look at me.

"Dude, I don't know what you did, but it must be pretty bad for her to want to sit back there." 

Emmett stretched his legs out and adjusted the travel pillow behind his head. "No offense to Lauren or anything, but I'm not complaining."

I twisted around in my seat and starred at Jess. Her eyes met mine briefly and I saw nothing but anger and hurt nestled in them. I turned back around and closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep, dreaming about Jess running off with another guy while I spent the week drunk and sulking in my room.

I couldn't let that happen.

Four and a half hours later I awoke with a start. We'd just landed and both Emmett and Jasper were standing up and stretching. I pulled Jasper to the side and told him my plans before bolting off the plane and to the hotel shuttle.

I checked into the room and set off for one of the many stores at our resort. I didn't have much time and I needed to make this perfect. I purchased what I was searching for and headed up the elevators to the fifth floor where our ocean view suite was. The view was breathtaking and I knew Jess would love it. If she gets over this spat, I thought sadly. The bellman arrived about twenty minutes later with our luggage and I tipped him generously. Once everything was in place, I put our bags in the bedroom and took a seat on the couch.

"Edward?" I heard her voice on the other side of the door. She knocked loudly several times. "I need to get my bags."

I took a deep breath, dimmed the lights, and eased the door open. She pushed past me and came to an abrupt stop.

"Edward…" her voice trailed off and she covered her mouth with her hands as she took in the sight. 

I'd spelled out the words 'I'm Sorry' in tea light candles in the center of the floor. Rose petals were scattered around the candles and a box containing a dozen long-stemmed red ones sat opened on the couch.

I closed the door and slipped my arms around her waist, pulling her into me so her back was flush with my chest. I rested my chin on her shoulder and inhaled her scent. She smelled like tropical oils mixed with a faint hint of rum. "I'm sorry I was such an asshole yesterday," I whispered.

She turned her head and looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry too, Edward." She turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I've never seen you jealous before and I didn't know how to handle it."

I nuzzled my nose against her neck and smirked. "I overreacted. It's just…" I leaned back and looked into her eyes, struggling to find the words to express what was going on in my head. "I've never felt this way about someone before, Jessica. I've never loved someone as much as I love you. 

You could walk around in a ratty old sheet for all I cared, as long as you're happy. I just don't wan to think about sharing you with others, even if it's just having them ogle you on the beach. I guess that's the selfish part of me coming out. The last 24 hours have been gut wrenching. Thinking I might lose you … It almost killed me."

"Shhh Edward, you won't lose me. I've never felt this way about anyone either," she whispered. She leaned up until her lips were almost brushing mine. "For the record, they can look all they want, but I belong to you – entirely." She closed the gap between us and kissed me softly. She walked backwards and I followed, and together we fell on the sofa. I slipped her sundress up over her shoulders and she made quick work of my t-shirt. I peppered kisses over her shoulders, chest, and stomach. Even though her skin felt like it was on fire beneath my fingertips and I ached to be one with her, we took things slowly, savoring every minute with each other.

We made love on the couch and missed dinner with our friends, but neither of us cared. When we finally got ready and met them at the bar later, we were both glowing, dressed in love and on top of the world.

As much as it scared me to admit, I couldn't imagine my life without this woman in it.

Jessica Stanley was my forever.

The rest of our week has been amazing. We've had no more fights, there've been no more tears and no frowns – We've just been two lovers spending time with our friends and enjoying every minute of it.

Oh, maybe it would be beneficial to point out that I trust Emmett one hundred and ten percent now. I met him and Jasper for beers after the NYE incident and it turns out he really was pining after 

Lauren the whole time. Funny how these things work, huh?

It's time for me to head back to the room and back to my forever.

---

May 31, 2000 – Wednesday

Well, here I am, finished with my sophomore year of college. Time is going by so fast, but damn are the memories I'm making ones that I'll cherish forever.

Next semester I start the classes for my major. After careful consideration I've decided to do the Stern business program with an emphasis in finance. I've always had a knack for numbers, even as a kid my dad used to have me help him with the books for the smaller hotels. It's a subject I enjoy and I know I'll excel at it.

Jess is embarking on a path all her own, working on journalism major with minors in art and marketing. She's quite ambitious and that's just one of the many things I love about her. She still doesn't know what she wants to be when she "grows up," but I don't doubt that whatever she chooses she'll be amazing at.

We had our first discussion about the future a couple nights ago…

I dropped my backpack on the floor and flopped down on the couch. Finals killed me but they were done now. I was exhausted and I drifted off into a light slumber.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" A warm pair of lips pressed against my temple and I felt the weight of a body on top of mine. I opened my eyes and saw Jessica's beautiful face staring back at me. She intertwined my fingers with hers and laid her head on my chest.

"What a nice surprise," I murmured into her hair.

She sighed contentedly and gazed up at me through her long lashes. "I'm so glad school is over. I don't want to have to think about anything at all this summer, I just want to have fun."

"What kind of fun are you thinking of?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her shamelessly. She sat up so she was between my legs and slapped my chest playfully. I sat up too and pulled her close to me.

"You're such a perv, Cullen."

"Guilty as charged." I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. "Seriously though, is there anything you have in mind for the break? We should plan a road trip or something like that. I'm sure Jasper and the gang would be up for it."

"We should totally go to Vegas!" She beamed at me and my insides felt like they were melting.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a soda. "Have you and Lauren figured out where you're going to stay next year? I know the dorms are out of the question."

She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them. "Lauren's parents are talking about getting her a place in Midtown. She told me I could stay with her, but they won't take any rent money from me and I don't want to mooch off them, even though I know they don't see it like that."

I took a swig of my soda and the wheels in my head started turning. Our one-year anniversary was in a few weeks and it had been smooth sailing since spring break. She was here more often than she was not, Jasper didn't mind her presence, and she already had her own key to the place. If our relationship was going to move forward this was the next logical step.

I cleared my throat nervously. "Have you ever thought about moving in here?" She blinked several times in shock.

"No, not really. I mean it's not that I would mind it or anything, I guess I just didn't think you were quite ready for me to be a full-time fixture around here."

I pulled out one of the dining room chairs and positioned it so I was sitting directly in front of her. 

"You're here practically every night already, Jess. There's more than enough room here for your stuff and I'm sure Jasper wouldn't complain if the rent was split three ways instead of two." I cupped her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers. "Move in with me? Please?"

A few tears brimmed her eyes and she brushed them away quickly. She smiled and grabbed my wrists with her hands. "Okay. I'll do it."

My chest filled with an emotion I'd never felt before. It radiated outwards from somewhere deep inside me. I stood up and she stood up too. I picked her up in a tight embrace, spinning her around in the middle of the living room.

"I have to call Lauren and tell her!" She ran to the kitchen and grabbed her cell phone off the breakfast bar. I could hear her excited voice as she told her best friend all about our plans. I'd have to tell Jasper too, but that could wait until he came home later.

Forty-five minutes later she emerged from the bedroom, still beaming. She sat Indian style on the opposite side of the couch. "When is your lease up here?"

I thought about it for a minute. "The end of November I think. We only signed a six month one this time around in case we found something better."

She blushed and chewed on one of her fingernails. "Maybe we can get our own place then. You know, just the two of us." She smiled shyly, waiting for my response.

"I would love that." I couldn't help but wonder what her intentions were when graduation finally arrived. "Does this mean you're planning on staying in Manhattan after you graduate?"

"It's a long way off still, but yes, that was my hope." She picked at a piece of lint on one of the sofa cushions. "The school has a lot of good connections with papers around here. I was planning on getting an internship and seeing where that takes me."

"We're on the same page then, thank god." I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "I'm Columbia bound when I finish here. The sooner I get my MBA the better, or at least that's what my dad always tells me."

She crawled across the couch and lay against me. "Are we planning our future here, Mr. Cullen?"

"I do believe we are, Ms. Stanley." I kissed her cheek and hugged her close to me.

The future never looked so good.

She's moving in next week. Jasper was okay with it, thank god, although he didn't really seem thrilled at the prospect of living on his own in six months. He was a good sport though and agreed with me that taking things to the next level was the right thing to do.

I don't think I'll have much time to write in here this summer. We're headed to Vegas in July, just like Jess wanted, and my parents offered up their Hamptons house for weekends in August. As much as I'd like to log all those memories, the fact is that I'd much rather live those memories and do it to the fullest extent possible.

So, here's to a memorable summer and a promising future.

See you in the fall