Endless Night: Chapter 5 - Chances, EPOV

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CHAPTER 5 – Chances, EPOV

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, attempting for the third time to button my shirt. I kept aligning everything wrong, too distracted by the possibility of her mere presence in my house.

"Damnit Cullen, get your shit together!" I hissed at myself through clenched teeth. This had become my life since meeting Isabella Swan. I couldn't focus on anything anymore. All I wanted to do was get lost in her gorgeous brown eyes.

"Finally!" I was busy straightening my collar when I heard the voices downstairs. They're here, I realized. I eyed the box on my dresser nervously. What if she doesn't like it? Is it too much? Worse yet, what if she won't accept it? When I'd purchased the necklace two weeks ago, these possibilities never crossed my mind. Now I was scared as hell.

I wasn't the type to make "the grand gesture" for a woman. In truth, I'd never had to. Tanya and I became an item within two weeks of meeting one another and had been ever since. I had no intention of settling down at such a young age, but her family was pushy and I fell in to a comfort zone. Well, as comfortable as I could get, which in this case wasn't very.

Nobody knew what our relationship was really like. On the outside, we looked like the perfect couple. Behind closed doors things were a different story. She was insanely jealous, insanely controlling, and above all, insanely selfish. Everything I did had to be centered on her or else sparks would fly and the shit would hit the fan. On the few rare occasions when I tried to leave, she'd gone mad, threatening to ruin my family's name, to haunt whoever I ended up with, and to expose my secret. By the time I turned 18 I was void of all but two emotions – anger and sadness. I'd been spinning around in this constant psychological loop of depression and rage for almost two years, with no end in sight…

… Until Bella opened the dorm room door this fall. The numbness grabbed hold of my common sense and together they plunged out the window.

From the moment I laid eyes on Bella I knew I had to be with her. It wasn't one of those silly "puppy love" desires. I knew from the very core of my soul that my existence hinged on being with her. It wasn't something I had to think about or second guess, I knew as soon as she'd opened the door and I'd seen those gorgeous brown eyes.

So why was I being such a pussy? What was stopping me?

You know damn well what's stopping you. She's human.

I'd never found myself attracted to a human girl before. There were plenty of them on campus, and from time to time I found one quite alluring, but the possibility of loving one, of giving myself to one, and entwining my existence with hers for forever … That never occurred to me.

It's not that I wasn't human. I was … Well, sort of. My biological mother was human, my biological father was a vampire, and I was stuck somewhere in the middle. I ate food, I just didn't have a continuous appetite. I breathed, felt the air in my lungs, but it wasn't like I'd die without it. I had a healthy appetite for blood, and I indulged in it regularly, but I was no fiend. My temperature ran a few degrees below normal but not enough to cause any worry. I could go out in the sun with no terrible side effects, unless of course I didn't have any blood in my system, and then my skin felt like there were a thousand tiny needles poking all over and I hated that shit. I was pale in color, but not so much that I looked different from the rest of the Washington natives. The eyes were usually what gave it away, made people wonder. Blood kept them golden. A lack of caused them to revert to their original color, somewhere between an emerald and shamrock green. It was easy to attribute this to contacts to some people, but people who paid attention to detail would notice it pretty quickly.

And Bella … That woman noticed everything. She'd already questioned Alice about her eyes and 

why she holed up at Emmett's place whenever they were blue. If only she knew the truth, I thought. 

One of the many perks of having a doctor around – blood was easy to come by. It probably seemed morbid, but one pint could last a single person for six months. At least it did for the half-vamps, as they called Alice and I.

We were the only two true siblings in the family. After our mother died in the early 70s, we spent several decades moving from place to place, before finally meeting Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett in 1999. They kindly took us in and the five of us lived in peaceful co-existence. Along came Esme and Rosalie, mother and daughter, moving in just a few houses away from us in Fairbanks. One thing led to another, and before we knew it, Esme and Carlisle were in love, Emmett and Rosalie had a thing going, and all of a sudden we were moving in to a larger house on the outskirts of Fairbanks. The rest of the family was "full-blooded" vampires, if you could call them that. They needed blood more frequently, required more of it to go in the sun, and were a few degrees colder and a bit stronger and faster than Alice and I.

Full-blooded vampires weren't born like Alice and I, at least not in the literal sense. They were bitten by another full-blooded immortal, underwent a rather chaotic and confusing "rebirth" period, and were then forced to settle in to their new form of existence. Most of them were ravenous and had no respect for human life, but my family wasn't like that. Of course we'd all slipped up at some point (I really hate to refer to it like that, but it's the truth), but Carlisle didn't want to be conspicuous and he made sure to keep a good supply of donated blood on hand. On a few rare occasions we'd resorted to animal blood, but it wasn't nearly as fulfilling and didn't keep us in the pain-free, golden-eyed safety net for as long.

Tanya's makeshift family was also full-blooded, only they weren't as respectful of the human population. Which probably accounted for her raging temper.

So here I stood in the middle of my room, back to the root of my problem … how could I be with 

Bella without Tanya going mad and spilling my beans and making life a living hell?

"Edward!" Esme's voice floated up the stairs. "Our guests are here! You can't stay hidden in your room all day!"

I checked the mirror once more to make sure I was presentable before heading downstairs.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw her. Good thing breathing wasn't necessary.

She was standing in the foyer with Alice. The red sweater she had on brought out hints of red in her hair. Her jeans hugged her hips, which gave just enough definition to her ass, a part of her I'd enjoyed looking at since we first met. If I could take you right here and now Bella Swan, I would god damnit. Her face was lit up with a smile and her eyes sparkled in a way I'd never seen before. 

Her father stood a few steps behind her, and I could see the resemblance immediately. The dark hair, the dark eyes, and the smile … these were all things they had in common. She was holding several boxes wrapped in silver, which Alice took from her and placed beneath the Christmas tree.

I composed myself, stepping forward and into her line of sight. Her eyes fell on me and for a moment 

I thought I saw a flicker of happiness dance across her face.

" Merry Christmas, Bella." Easy, simple, low risk for embarrassment.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Edward." She went to join Alice by the Christmas tree while her father made a beeline for me.

"I don't think we've had the opportunity to meet yet, son. I'm Charlie Swan, Bella's father." I smiled at Charlie and shook his hand. His grip was firm and his eyes said, "come within twenty feet of my daughter and I'll rid you of your manhood." I didn't have to introduce myself because Alice stepped in and formally introduced everyone to Charlie. Bella stood across the room, distracting herself with the Christmas tree. Every few seconds her eyes met mine, and a blush crept up her neck and to her cheeks.

Carlisle called us all to dinner and I got ready to put on a much-rehearsed show. Esme had everything delivered from a catering company in Port Angeles. I was impressed when everyone cleared his or her plates and Emmett even helped himself to seconds (a rarity indeed). I watched 

Bella from across the table, delighting in every word that fell from her mouth and allowing myself to get mesmerized by her beauty. As I watched her eat, converse, and laugh I noticed some of the finer details about her. When she smiled, there was a small, barely noticeable dimple that appeared to the left of her lips. Her eyebrows would furrow together when she laughed and little laugh lines popped up in the corners of her eyes. She was constantly biting her nails and her bottom lip, anxious habits I guessed. By the time we were done eating I'd engraved every physical detail about her that I possibly could into my mind. Lord only knows, if the world ended tomorrow, I'd want to spend my last few minutes remembering Bella.

In Cullen Christmas tradition, we opened gifts immediately following dinner. Bella seemed embarrassed by the fact that she only purchased things for Alice and my parents, but nobody else noticed. Charlie just about crapped his pants when he opened the gift my parents got him – an all expenses paid fly-in fishing trip for two in Ontario. He immediately invited Carlisle to go with him, an invitation he gladly accepted. It was too much, of course, but I could tell by the sparkle in his eye that he didn't want to turn the gift down. Alice was very impressed with Bella's gift, a Coach laptop cover and matching cell phone case. My parents gave Bella several gifts, including an iPod, gift cards for iTunes and the Apple store, and a rather large gift card to the big mall in Seattle. They really don't know her, I thought to myself. I knew Bella would find use for the iPod, but the mall gift card… She hated big crowds of people. And I was pretty sure Alice had already drug her to the mall so many times that her eyes would pop out if she had to go once more. She smiled though, thanking Carlisle and Esme. Alice's gift was sentimental – A book about angels by Jane Seymour and a diamond ring from her Open Hearts collection. A teary eyed Alice told a teary eyed Bella she'd never met anyone that became so close to her so fast (Bella agreed), that she thought of her as a sister and not just a friend (Bella agreed), and that she cherished the friendship they'd built and knew it would last forever (once again, Bella agreed). Pretty soon the group dispersed and it was just Bella sitting on the couch. She had the most peaceful expression on her face. Her eyes were closed, a small smile played on her face, and her hands rested in her lap. I took a deep breath. Now's your chance. Get it over with.

"You look happy." I sat next to her, expecting the same avoidant, cold reaction I'd been getting ever since I told her about the Tanya thing. I was surprised when she peeked at me through one eye and smiled.

"I am. Your family is wonderful. This was such a beautiful day."

You're wonderful, Bella. Wonderful, beautiful, graceful, amazing … you're perfect.

"They all love you and Charlie." It was the truth. They'd done nothing but sing praises about her. Even Rose, who could be very difficult when she wanted, loved Bella. I reached out and placed the box in her lap. She opened her eyes and looked down, her fingers running across the shiny white ribbon.

"What's this?" She looked at me curiously and sucked in her breath when she saw Tiffany & Co. on the top of the box.

"Your Christmas present." I knew my eyes were giving my emotions away, but at that moment, I didn't care. "Go ahead, open it."

She tugged at the ribbon carefully, laying it across her knee before gingerly opening the box. For the first time ever I felt what I guessed were nervous butterflies swimming in my stomach. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw the necklace. The chain was sterling silver, and a small, turquoise heart dangled from the end of it. I'd spent hours in the store, trying to select a color I thought would go with her skin tone. The turquoise looked lovely against her creamy complexion, and it accented her chocolate colored eyes quite well.

She held the necklace up to her neck and I reached over, brushing her hair out of the way and clasping it for her. She shivered beneath my touch, causing a familiar warm sensation to churn in my groin. Really Cullen, you give the girl a fancy necklace for Christmas and you get a hard on? How pathetic!

"Edward, this is beautiful! I love it, but you really didn't have to get me anything." Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I took her hand in mine, allowing my finger to trace the lines of her palm.

"I wanted to get it for you, Bella. I want you to know that my heart will always belong to you, regardless of who I'm with," I whispered. She bit her lip and blinked several times, no doubt trying to ward off tears. I held her hand for a few moments longer, my eyes on her face. Before I knew what was happening she leaned towards me and pressed her warm lips against my cheek. The kiss lasted for only a few seconds but it set my skin on fire.

"Thank you." Simple, sweet, perfection. I didn't need to hear anything more.

"No, thank you Bella." I gently took her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers. I stared into her eyes, letting myself get lost for a few moments before the reality of the situation hit me.

I'd put myself out there. Made myself vulnerable. Opened a door that I couldn't simply close. Bella knew that I cared for her, and I knew Bella well enough to know she wouldn't let me forget it.

Edward, what are you doing? Do not toy with that girl's heart or I swear I'll kill you myself.I looked over at Alice, who was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. One perk of having vampire genes – telepathy was entirely possible, at least amongst those of our kind.

I turned and started for the door, grabbing my coat on the way. A moment later I was sitting in my 

Audi, winding down the familiar road that led to First Beach. I lit a cigarette (something I rarely did these days) and inhaled deeply. My head was telling me to run like hell, to stay away from Bella and appease Tanya and forget this night had ever happened. My heart, however, had firmly attached itself to one lady … and it wasn't Tanya.

Fuck, Bella. How the hell am I ever going to find a way to be with you?